


Shameless

by jstadrtyhdlm



Category: All Time Low, Bandom
Genre: All Time Low (Band) - Freeform, Complete, Jalex - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 29,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9702959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstadrtyhdlm/pseuds/jstadrtyhdlm
Summary: Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low has a realization in the darkness of the tour bus one night. Something that could change everything.Will he bring this new found information with him into the light of the new day and see what effect it has on his life or will he leave it in the dark silent tour bus to be forever forgotten?





	1. Never Tell A Soul

**_Alex POV:_ **

It was a quiet night in the tour bus, everyone was asleep as far as I could tell. We'd had a kind of crazy show, and after party. I should've fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow like Jack and the others but I didn't. My mind wouldn't turn off and my alcohol scrambled brain lead my thoughts somewhere I didn't want them to go.

I'd been thinking these things for a while, although whenever it popped in my head I tried as best I could to push them out. As hard as it was, it worked most of the time, but the other part of the time when it was quiet and nothing was there to distract me these thoughts managed to creep their way back in.

Jack and I had known each other since I moved from Essex, he was my first friend, my best friend. I never thought of him in any way but friends, that is, until recently. I've been looking at him for years but now, when I see him I see something different.

When I had a fight with my girlfriend right before the tour started Jack was with me every minute. Lisa had threatened to break up with me because I was away on tour too much. We'd had a monumental fight about it right before I left. As far as I knew we were over. She said, if I left we were done. But I couldn't not go.

She didn't say we were completely over but she hadn't talked to me since I left so I just assumed...

I was really torn up about it. I didn't talk to anyone for at least a week, apart from the shows. Jack didn't try make me talk like I thought he would.

I was sitting in the back lounge of the tour bus one day and he just came back and sat with me in silence. I looked over at Jack and he gave me a sad smile. I never looked at him the same after that.

He didn't force me to talk or be happier. He was just there for me, and that's what I needed in that moment.

That's what started these thoughts in my head. The more I tried to not think about it the more I did. Whenever I looked at him, whenever I could hear him playing his guitar, whenever he smiled at me I just... didn't know what to do.

I was bi and as far as I knew Jack was too. We'd watched each other have boyfriends and girlfriends but we'd never looked at each other like that. I'd never even had a thought like that towards Jack. I don't know I just hadn't. I just couldn't understand why was it happening now.

I laid there in the quiet tour bus that night, finally allowing the thoughts to fill my mind. Jack Barakat was my best friend, but did I want it to stay that way? When I thought of him my heart beat out of my chest. This wasn't normal for best friends. I loved hearing him talk to me, his voice was like music to my ears. That's not normal for best friends...

It was dark and I was tired of the quiet. I tried plugging my earbuds into my ears and turning on some music but that only made me even more anxious so I quickly turned it off and placed my phone in the bunk beside me.

I layed my head back against the pillow again. No one moved, no one snored, which was odd because Zack usually snored like a bitch.

"Anyone awake?" I asked quietly finally tired of the silence.

"Jack?" I sighed and whispered, "Jack are you awake?"

No response. No shuffling in bed.

"Jack," I said almost inaudible, "I love you..."

I closed my eyes. My mind stopped racing, my heart stopped jumping out of my chest and I was drifting in minutes. I could've sworn I heard something coming from across the bus but I was too far gone.   
  
  


\--  
  
  


I was the last to wake up, or really be woken up. I felt someone shake my shoulder a little but I just rolled over and told him to fuck off, covering my head with a pillow. He walked off and came back in what felt like a few seconds, this time shaking me with more force.

"Hey dude, get up. If I can drink twice as much as you and be up on time then you can get your ass up now." Jack.

I rolled over towards him, but I didn't think it through because I almost fell off the damn bed. Jack put his hand up and caught me by my hip, making my heart skip a beat. He laughed as I threw my head back against the pillow, now wide awake.

"What are we even doing today?" I turned my head to look at him, his dark brown and blond hair was already done for the day. He wore black skinnies and a gray JAGK shirt.

"Sound check, duh," he said punching me in the arm, "Get your ass up."

I groaned and pulled my blanket up over my head. Ten minutes later after thoroughly checking all the apps on my phone I finally hopped out of bed. I made my way to the cramped shower in the tour bus. When I got out I blow dried and straightened my hair quickly.

I put on some skinnies and an atl shirt. It's cool to wear your own merch right? After that I scrolled through my twitter feed again and made my way off the bus. Jack was out there fucking around with Zack's skateboard, making an ass of himself. I laughed as Jack tried to do a trick.

"Shut up, Gaskarth," he pointed at me after recovering, "You can't do any better."

"Never claimed to," I replied, "I thought I had to get up? Is this all we're doing?"

"Rehearsals aren't until 4," Zack said watching Jack on his board.

"WOW," I said, "It's freaking noon. Jack, why the fuck would you wake me up?"

He smiled at me sarcastically, "Maybe I just like seeing your face bright and early in the morning."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah sure."

"Don't you love me Alex?" he smiled more. My heart stopped for half a second. Had he...? No... he couldn't have. He skated over to me, "Well?"

I laughed nervously, "Oh yeah, sure thing man."

"I knew it!" Jack yelled and skated away from me. I sat down on the curb and took in a breath. Damn.

"You alright there buddy?" Zack asked laughing at me, I'd forgotten he was there.

"Heh, yeah. I'm good," I said nervously as Zack got back into the bus. Get it together Gaskarth. They're gonna know something's up.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jack riding up full speed and screeching to a halt. Try as he might, he flew off the board and right onto me. I groaned in pain as the wind was knocked out of me. I thought Jack would just get off me but he didn't. He stayed on me laughing and crushing my rib cage.

"Jaaaack!" I whined beneath him, "Get off!"

"Suck my ass, Alex," he said still on top of me, enjoying my winded voice.

Honestly, I didn't mind it as much as I let on, "Jack!"

He stopped squirming and eventually we were just staring at each other. His chocolate brown eyes looked into mine with a glimmer I'd never seen from him before. He licked his bottom lip and looked at mine. What was he doing? His head began to incline towards mine.

My heart started to pound rapidly. Was this really happening?

He stopped right before our lips touched, looking into my eyes again. His voice was soft and quiet. I could feel his minty breath on my lips as he whispered my name, "Alex?"

"Yeah?" I whispered back.

He closed his eyes and took in a breath bringing his head away a little, "Uh, nothing. Nevermind..." He started to get off me. I didn't know what the hell that was. Did Jack feel the same about me as I did him?

I sighed as he got up and held a hand out to help me stand up.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Yeah," he said under his breath. He opened the bus door and looked back at me once more before hopping onto the bus, leaving me again, alone with my thoughts.


	2. Another Night, Another Score

**_Alex POV:_ **

Rehearsal went by pretty quickly and soon enough it was time for our set. Jack furiously played his guitar, it was as if that guitar was the only thing that made sense to him. Let's just say I glanced over at our lead guitarist, a lot.

He just smiled at me like our moment didn't even happen. We fucked around with each other and shit talked everyone just like usual on stage. It felt really familiar, really right.

We got to Time Bomb and Jack, Zack, and I pulled some girls on stage to sing and dance along with us. After the song we had them wait backstage for us so we could meet them and hang out when the show was over.

" _Dear Maria, count me in.. there's a story at the bottom of this bottle......_ " I sang as the lights dimmed, allowing us to get off stage without the crowd crying for another encore, we'd already done two. Dear Maria was the last song we had. It always was.

Rian and Zack high fived each other. Jack smiled at me as we exited the stage to meet the waiting fans.  
  
  


\--  
  
  


"Hey," she bit her lip and tried to whispered in my ear but ended up talking in a normal voice because of the alcohol she'd consumed, "Can we see the tour bus?"

I looked at Jack. He had the other fan girl on his lap, she was kissing at his neck. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow asking me if I wanted to go. Truth was, I didn't know. I was attracted to this girl, I was, but that didn't change the way I felt about Jack.

He stiffly nodded after a moment, giving me the okay and making my heart sink a little. He wanted to have sex with these girls right after that happened between us?

"Rian and Zack will probably be out at the bars for a while," Jack said, "I don't see why not."

The girl on my lap bounced up and down, "Yay!! Let's go!"

We all stood up and quietly made our way out of the back of the venue to the tour bus. Jack and his girl were stumbling ahead of us, shushing each other playfully as they went.

It was kind of a miracle that none of the fans that were waiting outside the place heard us, we were a mess. My girl kept looking at me and giggling, which was making me feel some type of way, I just couldn't figure out which way.

When we got into the bus it was surprisingly empty. Jack and his fan fell down onto one of the chairs.

"Is there somewhere else we could go?" My fan asked.

I looked down at my shoes and then at the back room, "There's a back lounge we could hang out in."

Jack just looked at me kinda weird as the girl pulled me into the back room of the tour bus, "See you on the other side then."

"Yeah..." I said weakly, "Sure."

His girl went back to attacking his lips as soon as I closed the door. Jealousy began to bubble in my gut. My girl, Sam I think it was, pushed me onto one of the couches and climbed onto me so she was straddling me. She stripped herself of her atl shirt, revealing a black lace bra.

She was talking but I wasn't listening. I took a swig from the bottle in my hand while she started kissing under my ear.

"Are you listening to me Alex?" She asked, "Did you hear what I just said?"

I blinked, "Uh, no?"

She shook her head and smirked, "I _said_ , I wanna fuck the shit out of you."

"Oh..."

"Oh?" She asked an eyebrow raised, "That's all you say?"

"Yeah..." I took another swig from my bottle.

She rolled her eyes, "I've wanted to fuck you since I was thirteen, Alex Gaskarth."

I shrugged, "So do it."

"You're an asshole."

"I know."

She squinted her eyes at me and gave me a devilish grin, "You're so lucky you're hot."

Before I could respond she had connected our lips once again, putting her hand on my crotch and using her other to put my hand on her chest.

I didn't really want to have sex with this girl right now. I didn't want to have sex with _anyone_ right now, but I wasn't going to just walk out and make Jack think something was wrong. He was out there with the other girl doing the same thing I was supposed to be doing with no problem.

I didn't protest or tell her to stop when she yanked off my clothes and climbed back on top of me, her short skirt wasn't removed but rather moved up to her waist.

She asked me to help her remove her bra and I did. She was gorgeous. This girl was totally hot, at least that hadn't changed in my head. I would've wanted to do this with her if I could've just gotten my mind off earlier...

He almost kissed me. That had to mean something. Right?

Yet he was out there with the other girl, actually kissing her and probably more... I shook my head to rid me of the thoughts. Damn thinking.

"Ready?" Sam winked at me, I just nodded. Why not? She was hot. And she was willing.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, waiting for it to all be over.   
  
  


\--  
  
  


I woke up with my brain pounding against my skull. I winced when I saw the light, that didn't help at all. The girl was no longer next to me in the back lounge. I had no idea where she was.

I heard people in the other part of the bus, probably eating. The bus was moving so I knew we were headed to the next show.

I went into the bathroom to look at myself before going out to everyone else. I tried to finger through my hair, which was sticking out everywhere but it really didn't do much to tame the wild mass. I then grabbed something to help my headache. I was still in the clothes I had on last night, I must've put them back on at some point.

Outside the bathroom I could still hear people talking so I went out there, hopefully to some food. Jack was sitting at the little table with Zack as Rian made some toast.

"Bout time you got up," Rian said, "You should quit drinking like that Alex. It'll bite you in the ass 10 years from now."

I groaned and put on some stray sunglasses I found laying around, "It's biting me in the ass now..."

They laughed at me as I sat down at the table opposite Jack and laid my head on my arms.

"Make me some food," I said to Rian when his toast popped up.

He rolled his eyes, "Can't even make your own toast."

I smiled, "Thanks." Jack was looking at me, I could feel it, but I had my head down on my arms and it hurt too much to lift it so I didn't look back at him.

Rian put two pieces of toast in the toaster after getting his out. He sat down at the table next to me to eat.

"Where, um, are...?" Their names escaped me. I was thinking about the girls we were with.

"Dani and Sam?" Jack asked with a mouthful of food. I nodded, he swallowed and continued, "Last night Rian came back and kicked them off."

I put my face in my hands, "Oh lord."

Rian spoke up, "Hey man it was time to go and they couldn't come with us. I think that's technically kidnapping."

"Yeah," I said, "True. But still that kinda fucking sucks."

Jack shrugged, "What'd they expect?"

"I don't know Jack? Maybe to not be kicked off the bus like that?" I said, my headache was getting worse and I sounded a lot meaner than I meant. I didn't want to be in there anymore. I stood up and walked to the door leading to the back, "I mean, I wouldn't know. I've never been kissed by you."


	3. Don't Make This Easy

**_Jack POV:_ **

The toast he was waiting for popped up as soon as he said it. Alex stared at me for half a second in the doorway then shook his head and walked through, shutting it after him. I froze. Rian and Zack looked at me confused as the bus slowly pulled to a stop.

"What the hell was that about?" Zack asked.

I frowned, "I uh, I don't know..."

"Where the fuck did that even come from?" Rian asked next.

"I don't know okay!? I don't know!" I couldn't tell them the truth, and the fact that they're pressuring me to made me kinda pissed.

Alex and I, what happened, almost happened, it was complicated. I didn't know what to do about it. I was nervous whenever I thought about it. I couldn't ruin everything. It was better to just leave it alone. Maybe I'm just a coward...

I got up and put Alex's toast on a plate because he hadn't eaten and I knew it would make his head feel better. I looked at Rian and Zack before I went into the back lounge, "Sorry I snapped. I, uh, don't know. Just don't worry about it."

They stared at me with a weird look on their faces as I went after Alex.   
  
  


**_Alex POV:_ **

SHIT. Okay okay. After I had my stupid fucking outburst I went back to where I was the night before and started pacing until I just sat down on a couch with my knees up. Soon enough someone came in after me. Wonder who that could be...

"Get the fuck out, Jack," I muttered into the pillow that was on my knees, "Just go."

I could hear him shuffle around a little, "Shouldn't we talk?" I didn't respond so he sat down next to me, "I brought you your food. I know your head is probably pounding like crazy."

"I took some stuff it should go away soon." But I knew it wouldn't.

He sighed, "Well, it could help."

"Jack can you just leave?" I asked, finally setting my eyes on him. He looked really stressed out, way more than 2 minutes ago when we were sitting at the table.

"No," he'd caught my eyes and kept them with his stare, "I'm not going until we talk."

"What is there to talk about Jack? Really? Nothing happened."

"Yes, something did happen."

"Literally, it didn't but either way just fucking forget about it. It's easier that way."

"You don't have to be an ass about it. I mean, you slept with that girl," he retorted, "It's not like you were telling her no because of me."

I rolled my eyes, "She basically raped me."

" _OH_ ," Jack said sarcastically, standing up, "Okay sure. Yeah I'm sure she raped you."

"Basically she did! How would you even know?" I hopped up and shouted, eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't. But I know Alex Gaskarth isn't going to turn down a hot girl, okay," he said making me flinch.

"Oh yeah?" I yelled, "What about you Jack? You wouldn't either! You've fucked half of our fans!"

"And you fucked the other half!" He yelled stepping closer to me so we were only about half a foot apart. Against my will my heart pounded, more so than my head.

I shook my head, "You're such a dick."

"I'm a dick? Yeah, yeah okay! I'm a dick!"

"Screw you! GO FUCK ANOTHER MINDLESS FAN GIRL!"

"WHY DON'T YOU YOU FUCKING ASS HOLE!" he yelled while retreating to the door, "I've been there for you through so much. And you get this pissed over nothing."

"Maybe it's not nothing to me. And I'm sorry? It was _you_ who wouldn't get off _me_ ," I said, "I didn't ask for this!"

"Yeah, well that doesn't mean you didn't want it," and with that he left.

I screamed out in frustration and punched the wall of the bus. Why did I always let him get the best of me?  
  
  


\--  
  
  


"You know who I think is an asshole?" I yelled out to the audience through the microphone later that night.

"WHO?" they all screamed back.

"I think Jack Bassam Barakat is an asshole!" I laughed pointing at him, "That bitch right there."

Jack stepped up to his mic, "You guys wanna know who I think is an asshole?"

The audience roared so Jack went on, "I think _Alex_ is an asshole!"

I smirked at him, "I know I'm an asshole! When will you admit it?"

The show went on like that for the rest of the time, Jack and I bickering back and forth. We didn't invite anybody on stage for Time Bomb this night. We really weren't in the right mindset to meet fans at the moment. So instead of our pretty little fan girls, our manager, Matt, waited for us backstage.

"What the hell is going on with you two?" he asked, "You're bickering like little bitches, way more than usual. It's like you either wanna fight or fuck. So what ever you're gonna do you need to get it out because tomorrow we're going to the festival and I need you guys to be back on your game."

"The festival? Fuck that's tomorrow?" I asked as Jack muttered curse words under his breath.

Matt tilted his head to the side, "Not quite. We'll get there tomorrow and hang for a day but your set isn't until the next day."

"We get a day off?" Jack asked smiling like a kid on Christmas. Damn his smile was fantastic. I looked away. No, shut up. You're mad at him.

"That is, if you can behave yourself," he said shaking his head and walking out the door, "Be ready to go we leave in 15."

Jack looked at me smirking, "So what will it be then?"

I raised an eyebrow, "What?"

He continued to smirk devilishly at me, "Are we gonna fight or fuck?"

My heart jumped but I rolled my eyes and acted indifferent, "Shut up." I turned and started to walk out to the bus.

Jack caught my arm, "I don't wanna fight with you Alex," he half smiled went on, "Let's just go back to being friends again."

I paused. I hated fighting with Jack. He usually made me so happy, it almost killed me to be mad at him. I half grinned at him, "Yeah... friends..."

"Good," he said, this time I could enjoy his bright white smile, "So, since we're friends again, what're you doing on our day off?"

I smirked leaning against the wall, "Definitely not hanging out with you. That's for sure."

"Ouch," he held a hand up to his heart, "That one hurt."

"Good," I said relaxing a little. The show had really worn me out, "I don't know. It depends what's going on that day."

"You know," Jack leaned in trying to act secretive, "I heard there was going to be a carnival or something."

I grinned, "Oh yeah?"

He nodded smiling, "Yuuup, so if there are no good bands on that day. We could probably do that."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Oh, but Alex, I thought you didn't want to hang out with me," he tilted his head to the right playfully.

"Maybe I just want to go on a Ferris Wheel," I replied.

Jack gave a light laugh, "That figures."

"Yeah, maybe I wanna hang out with you a little," I bit my lip and stood up off the wall.

He smiled, "We better get going then."

"Yeah," I said shoving his shoulder, "Let's go."


	4. Steal a Kiss in the Dark

**_Alex POV:_ **

"Uh Jack," I said staring at the massive Ferris wheel in the distance, "I think this is a little bit bigger than a carnival." Before us was the entrance to a huge amusement park.

He laughed, "Even better. We'll have roller coasters."

I looked at him nervously, "Great."

"Scaredy cat," he said shoving my shoulder, "Don't worry man, you can hold my hand."

I laughed, he had no idea how bad I wanted to do that, "Ha-ha yeah right."

We walked up to the ticket vender. The lady at the window was really pretty. She had brown hair that was up in a bun but, she wore a shirt that showed off too much cleavage. I could tell she was eyeing Jack, but surprisingly he wasn't returning the favor.

"Hi," she smiled seductively at Jack, "How can I help you?"

"Two adult tickets, please."

Another smile, "Sure thing, hun." She grabbed the two tickets and handed them to Jack, accepting the money before hand. As Jack and I walked away I looked back at her and noticed she was still staring at him.

"Bitch," I muttered under my breath.

"What?" Jack asked, slightly grinning.

"Oh, uh, nothing," I paused, "That girl was checking you out."

He shrugged, "She's not my type."

"Since when is 'willing' not your type?" I asked with a secret inner smile.

He looked at me and shrugged again. Smiling, he changed the topic, "So what ride first?"

"Ferris wheel," I quickly replied.

Jack shook his head "No, not yet. We'll save that for night when it's dark and we can look over the water."

I stubbornly nodded in agreement, "Fine. But if we don't get to it I'll never forgive you."

"We'll make it, I promise!" he pointed to the biggest roller coaster like a little child, "This first!"

He grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the line, which seemed like a billion people waited in, "Whoa! No way! Why do you get to go on the one you want first?"

"Oh, young Alex, my-"

"I'm older than you."

"Shh..." he held a finger to his lips and closed his eyes, making me laugh as he went on, "My ride is better than yours and we don't have to look at anything while we're on it."

I rolled my eyes, "It's like a 2 hour wait."

"No! It's only an hour and a half," he grabbed me and successfully pulled me into the line, "The one's with the longest line are always the best."

I nodded crossing my arms, "Yeah, sure."  
  
  


—-  
  
  


It went way faster than expected. As soon as we knew it the young attendant was letting us through the gate so we could pick our car. Jack, obviously, choose the one in the front, even though it was a longer wait.

The cars were your basic roller coaster cars. There wasn't any kind of over the shoulder safety things, only a bar that went across our legs.

"Shouldn't there be a thing on our upper body too?" I asked Jack as the ride started slowly off going straight up.

"This one doesn't go upside down," he explained looking at my clenched fist, "You gonna be ok there?"

I nodded tensely, looking straight forward, which was really straight up. We edged closer and closer to the top. This was the worst part. I didn't mind the ride as we got going but the anticipation was nerve wrecking.

When we were nearing the top I could feel Jack touching my hand, unclenching it and intertwining his fingers with mine. Before I could respond we were flying down the bright red track, full speed, and I was too busy screaming my head off.

The ride actually happened for a good 2 minutes before our wind stricken selves were climbing off again.

"You know you loved it!"

"Jack, that was horrid!" I said laughing. I really didn't think it was that bad. He held my hand and once we got passed the huge hill I was okay.

"Oh come on," he said, "You had to have some fun."

I shrugged, "It was okay after the hump."

"I knew you loved it! What ride next?" He asked.

I shrugged once more, "I don't know. We could go on through the haunted castle."

Jack's face instantly fell, "Nonononono."

I smirked, "Why not, Mr. Tough Guy?"

"You know what?" he frowned, "Let's do it then."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

"Okay," I then pulled Jack to the line for the Haunted Castle ride, which was on the other side of the park.

The line for this ride wasn't very long at all. People usually crowded around the big coasters. This ride was a roller coaster too technically, but it wasn't fast like the others. It crept around every corner, bringing Jack closer to me with each jump scare.

In all honesty, it wasn't even scary there weren't even real people in it, only machines, but Jack was still pretty scared. He screamed a little when this one bloody witch thing popped out of the wall.

"Fucking dick mother semen shit fucker!" he yelled grabbing my arm and sending me into laughter.

"Jack, calm down, you know they're fake."

He pushed his face down into my shoulder, "I know but still."

I smiled, "I'll tell you when it's over then."

He nodded into my shirt and muffled something I couldn't understand. Soon after that we were nearing the end, I could see a bright crack of light.

"It's over," I said squeezing his hand, "I see the light."

As Jack peeked his head out one last animatronic zombie made an attempt to scare us, and succeeded. This time both Jack and I let out a scream, which ended up in laughter for me. Jack punched my arm, "You dick! You said it was over!"

"I thought it was!" I defended throwing my hands up in the air, "Hahha your face though!"

He started laughing uncontrollably too, "Hahah that was hahah pretty funny hahha." People looked at us crazy when we were pulling out of the darkness but we didn't care. We kept on laughing.  
  
  


—-  
  
  


The day flew by, we ate and laughed and talked. It was really great. He was really great. If I didn't know better I'd call it a date.

The sun was starting to set and we'd just rode one of the smaller roller coasters, I'd quickly got over my fear of them. With every coaster came the comforting touch of Jack's hand in mine.

We had just got ice cream and I decided to take my chance, "The sun is setting Jack."

He nodded and bit into his cone, "So it is."

I grinned, "You know what that means."

"Mmhm, sure do," he scooped up some of his ice cream on his finger and dabbed it on my nose, "Ferris Wheel."

Laughing and wiping the ice cream onto his cheek, I said, "That's right."

"Alright finish your shit and we'll go," he said referring to the ice cream.

I nodded and ate the rest of my ice cream as we walked. Jack's hand brushed mine and I wanted so badly to take it but I didn't. Jeez, this felt like a date.

"Ready?" the attendant asked as we stepped up to the cart that would take us up. Jack and I nodded and we climbed into the two person seat. Because our shoulders were broad, Jack put his arm around me. I'm sure that's the only reason why.

The machine creaked as it took us around and up. It was just getting dark and the sun was just peaking out over the horizon, leaving the sky a giant mass of orangish colors. There was a cool breeze blowing our faces as the big wheel stopped right at the top.

"It's pretty tonight," I said looking out onto the water.

"Yeah it is," Jack said softly. I turned to see that he wasn't looking at the sky or the water, he was looking at me. He blushed some when I found him staring.

We looked at each other. The sunset was shining in his eyes. My heart was beating out of my chest. We started towards each other at the same time. Our lips were so close. I could feel his breath on my skin again, I'm sure he could feel mine too.

We paused again before our lips actually touched. I decided that if he retreated I'd kiss him. I wasn't going to let him get away from me again. Jack didn't retreat, and he wanted to move in, I could tell. He was just scared of the consequences, like I was.

But I was tired of being scared. I wanted this. I closed the gap and pressed my mouth to his. I could feel his eyebrows pull together, I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He placed the hand that wasn't wrapped around me on my cheek.

I was doing it. I was really kissing Jack Barakat. I didn't think this moment would ever happen.

Before we got too deep into the kiss the wheel started to move again. The jolt of the machine moving was enough to make Jack scatter back away from me.

I sighed and leaned back into the seat as he looked at me hesitantly, I could sense regret. I shook my head. How is he still going to deny this? When is Jack going to realize that he has feelings for me too?


	5. Only a Quitter Would Let it Go

**_Alex POV:_ **

"Jack?" I asked as we walked to the exit of the amusement park. We hadn't spoken since the kiss. It wasn't tense, maybe just a little awkward.

"Yeah?"

"Should we talk about it?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know... Should we?" He looked down, switching the question around and pinning me down with it.

I shrugged, "I don't know what to say." 

"Me either... I, um, don't think we should tell people," Jack said quickly, making my heart sink. I knew we weren't to tell people, but I wanted to. I wanted to scream it out for all to hear.

"What does this mean then?" My eyes met with his big chocolate brown ones.

"I don't know... What do you want it to be?" Jack asked me cautiously.

I looked down at my shoes, "I don't know." That's all we could say, because we didn't know. We didn't know anything.  
  
  


\--  
  
  


We left it at that for a few weeks. Sometimes we would hang out like friends, all the while my heart would pound. Then he'd get different and look at me with what I thought was love.

The tour was coming to an end and I was really worried about what it would be like when I got home. Although I did love Jack, I still had to worry about Lisa and I. What was she going to do when I got back? Was she going to kick me out of my own house? Was I going to kick her out?

I wished so much that I could talk to Jack about it. I thought it would be too awkward since we kind of had something.

Aside from shows, I spent most of my days alone in my bunk or in the back room. Kind of like in the beginning of the tour. Rian and Zack would try to get me to come out with them but just never felt like it. You could say I was depressed. You could say that.

Jack tried to talk to me too but I brushed him off because I knew he felt the same way as I did when we talked, pained. I was so glad we were friends still but I loved him and there wasn't any amount of normal conversation that is going to make it go away.   
  
  


**_Jack POV:_ **

He wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I didn't know how I'd be able to finish this tour without talking to him. My feelings for Alex were complicated. I didn't want to think about it and ruin years and years of friendship, but I also couldn't stop thinking about it, about him.

Something was on his mind. I thought it was me at first but I soon realized I needed to get over myself and figure out what was really wrong with him. Something else was bothering him. If I could help, I would. So one day, the last day, when he was in the back room I joined him.

I paused, remembering the last time I followed him into here. It only ended in a fight. We were on our way home this time. The tour had finally ended.

"Alex?" I asked walking up to the couch he was sitting on.

He looked up at me silently, his hair in his face slightly. He whipped it back into place as I perched next to him.

"You alright?"

He gave me a small smile and nodded, "I'm fine. Just... thinking I guess."

"You want to talk about it?"

Alex shrugged, "It's not important."

"You're alone more than not these days," I said, "It must be important."

"Well," he sighed, "It's just, I've been thinking about Lisa lately."

My heart skipped a beat. _Lisa_. The girl who broke his heart. Why in the world would he want to think about her? A little green emotion started to prick it's way around in my chest, "What about her?"

"I don't know... everything. About how we broke up, if you can even call it that, and what I'm going to do when we get back. I mean, is she going to kick me out? Am I gonna kick her out? Is she already gone?" He shrugged, "I don't know it's stupid."

"It's not stupid, Alex, it's valid. You should be thinking about it, but you can't just let it overcome you. You're better than that."

He gave me another half smile, "Ah, I don't know. Whenever something is on my mind it just kind of takes over. I can't help it."

"If it's bothering you so much," I began, speaking before I thought, "Then you should just come and live with me."

He stared at me, a real smile playing around the edges of his mouth, "Really? You would let me?"

"Of course, Alex. You're my best friend."  
  
  


**_Alex POV:_ **

When Jack told me I could move in with him I got this feeling in my chest that was like no other. I think it was nervous, but I wasn't too sure. After all the years of us being friends we'd never lived with one another, of course other than the tour bus.

That day we talked until the bus pulled into it's final stop for this tour. We grabbed all of our things and thanked the bus driver. Jack decided to come to my house with me to see what was up with Lisa.

The closer we got to the house the more nervous I got. Jack shot me comforting smiles all the way there. We took his car because mine was at the house we slowly pulled up to.

My breathing began to speed up and I could feel a stupid angst in my chest. Damn it. This was going to suck so bad.

I frowned and knocked on my own door. Jack gave me a reassuring smile as I heard Lisa yell from somewhere in the house, "I'll be down in a minute!"

My heart started going like crazy again. No calm down. No panic attacks. Stop.

"It's alright Alex. I promise everything will be okay," Jack giving my hand a squeeze before pulling it back.

"Yeah I hope."

Someone shuffled on the other side of the door.

It opened.

"ALEX!"

And before I knew it Lisa was in my arms with her lips pressed against mine.


	6. I'm Not Interested Girl

**_Alex POV:_ **

She removed her lips from mine and stepped back before I could push her off myself.

"Alex, I missed you so much! How was the tour babe?" Babe? Really?

"I, um, it was..." I couldn't make my mouth form the right words. What the fuck is this? Why is she doing this?

"Well come on, tell me all the awesome details," she smiled at me. I just looked at her confused, "Oh! I'm sorry. You probably want to come in and get unpacked right? Where's your stuff?"

"Um," I couldn't speak.

"Your stuff is in the car," Jack looked down at his shoes while he spoke.

"Well you guys can go get it. I'll make some food for you guys, I'm sure you're starving," Lisa grinned, pecking me on the cheek and turning to enter the house, "It's so good to see you again. And you too Jack."

Jack awkwardly nodded at her and we silently made our way to the car. He popped the trunk and pulled out half of my bags.

He broke the silence, "So, she obviously thinks you're still together."

I flinched, "I, um, we kind of are... technically."

"What?" Jack looked at me with pain shining in his eyes.

"W-We never officially broke up. She said if I left we'd be done so I just thought we were. She didn't call me or anything," I explained as quickly as possible. It kind of felt like, I don't know, I'd cheated on _him_. We'd had our moments and it didn't feel right, but that was stupid. I mean Jack and I weren't a thing...

"Oh, so when we... you were still with her?" Jack asked sadly. I couldn't understand why he was so upset. He didn't want us to happen anyways.

"Yeah, I guess so," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said walking back into the house.

"Don't be," I said following closely behind him, "It's not your fault."

Lisa had some food set out for us in the kitchen after we set down the bags in the living room. She smiled as we took our seats at the island counter.

"Now tell me all the details," Lisa said, "I'm ready."

"Well, um," I stuttered, "We played shows."

" _Really_?" Lisa asked sarcastically, she smiled nervously, "Alex, honey, are you okay? You've been acting weird since you've been here."

"I-I'm just tired I guess," I looked down at my plate, food untouched.

"What's wrong with him?" Lisa turned to Jack for answers.

He glared at her for the tiniest moment, I could almost hear him daring himself to say _you_ , but then it was gone, "Um, he hasn't slept much."

"You two are always sticking up for each other, I'll never get a straight answer will I?" She grinned crossing her arms, "Well either way I hope you had fun. I'm gonna go upstairs and unpack some of your stuff, babe."

With that she walked off to the stairs. I could hear her quietly going up them in the background. Jack sighed next to me, "I should probably go."

"No!" My heart jumped in my chest, "I mean, you don't have to go Jack."

"I should leave you to catch up with Lisa," he gave me a half smile, "I'll text you later."

"Okay..." he started off to the door, I went after him and grabbed his hand, "We should hang out soon though."

"We've been hanging out all tour," he muttered.

I shrugged, "So, that doesn't mean we can't. Let's go out for drinks tomorrow."

"Yeah, maybe," his eyes met mine, "I'll see you later Alex."

I nodded, letting him go this time, "Yeah, see you." I closed the door only after he drove off. Leaning back against the door and sliding down I bit my lip. What in the world am I going to do now?

"Alex? Are you guys finished eating?" Lisa asked, seeing me on the floor as she came down the stairs, "Why're you on the floor? Where's Jack?"

I quickly stood up, "He, uh, had to go."

She smiled, "Oh okay. Now we can catch up." She walked forward and pressed her lips to mine again. Why did this feel so weird? I was in love with her 2 months ago. _Was._

I stiffened as she retreated from the kiss. I could tell she was trying not to notice how weird and stiff I was acting.

"I put away your clothes," she said.

"Thanks," I muttered walking away from her and up the stairs.

"Alex are you absolutely sure you're ok?" She asked once more.

"I'm fine, Lisa. I'm fine." I went into the room Lisa and I shared. It looked the same, big fluffy pillows on the bed that matched the comforter. A huge rug on the floor covering the tan carpet. I pulled the matching curtains shut, preventing the sunlight from getting into the room.

I pulled off my shirt and shoes. Then, plugging my earbuds in and laying on the bed, I soon drifted into a much needed dreamless sleep.  
  
  


—-  
  
  


I was awoken by a door shutting, I looked over at the bathroom. Sure enough Lisa was in there, I could see light streaming into the dark room from the bottom of the door. I looked at my phone and it read 11:30 pm. Great. My limbs still heavy with sleep, I pulled my earbuds out and laid my phone down next to me on the night stand.

I could hear water running in the bathroom. I stretched and sat back against my pillow. I knew I needed to do some serious thinking. I had so many questions.

What's going to happen now? Am I back with Lisa? She obviously thinks so... What is going through Jack's head right now? What about Lisa's? What's even going through my head right now?

My rush of questions were interrupted by the bathroom door opening again. Lisa stood in the doorway with some black lace lingerie on. I bit my lip. I loved Jack, but she was really hot.

_Ugh shut up, you dick. Don't be so shallow_ , I told myself as she walked over.

"I thought you were up," she said seductively crawling onto the bed next to me.

"Yeah," I muttered, avoiding eye contact.

She put her hand on my cheek turning my head so our eyes would meet, "Alex I really missed you a lot."

"Mmhm," I muttered.

She crawled on top of me so she was straddling me. She leaned down and pressed her lips to my bare chest. She placed kissed all up my torso and shoulders, moving along my neck and jawline next.

The kisses that would've had me moaning 2 months ago I couldn't feel over the hurt in my chest. This wasn't right anymore. I didn't want this.

I coughed, "Um, Lisa?"

"Hm?" She mumbled against my skin.

"Can I go back to sleep?"

Her head popped up, "What?"

"I just... I'm really tired," I muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"Are fucking kidding me?" She sounded kinda pissed.

"No, I just want to get some sleep. I'm sorry," I said awkwardly, she was still straddling me.

"Alex are you really ok? What the hell happened on this tour, babe?" She asked finally climbing off me.

"N-Nothing," I turned away from her and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would overcome me again.

"You're lying to me Alex," she muttered into the darkness.

I frowned with my eyes still closed, "Don't act like you've never lied to me."


	7. I'm Not the Type to Forget

**_Alex POV:_ **

I woke up before she did in the morning, I was on the edge of the bed, as far away as I could go. I stood up quietly, grabbing my phone. I quickly tweeted something to let the fans know I was alive and went into the bathroom to shower. I let the water wash off the last remaining sweat from the tour and the lipstick Lisa had left on my chest last night.

When I got out I decided to towel dry my hair and let it air out so I wouldn't wake up Lisa with a blow dryer. Put on a snapback and walked over to the closet. I pulled on underwear and black skinny jeans. I looked through the shirts and found a black shirt with no sleeves, I slipped it over my head.

I went down stairs and into the kitchen after putting some bright red shoes on. The fridge had food in it but I went straight to the cereal. I was completely capable of cooking but I wasn't in the mood. I picked up the Captain Crunch and poured it into a bowl, as well as milk, and sat down to eat.

My phone vibrated right as I took my first bite. A text from Jack.

_What're you doing later?_

_Nothing I guess._

He replied seconds later, _We should go out for drinks tonight like you said._

I smiled as I typed my response, _Sounds like a plan._

He didn't reply for a minute. I ate more of my cereal in silence until my phone buzzed once again, _Talk to Lisa?_

I sighed as my fingers grazed the letters, _Not really_

_Not really?_

_Yeah, she tried to rape me_

He typed back right away, _HAHA NO_

_Yeah.. I just told her I was tired_

_Cold as ice Gaskarth. Cold as ice._

_I guess_ , I shook my head. It was only because I was so stuck up on him. I put my phone down and ate the rest of my cereal. I got up to put the bowl away as I heard Lisa coming down the stairs. Great. Perfect time to go upstairs and straighten my hair, away from her.

As I passed her at the bottom of the steps she grabbed my hand, "Alex, do we need to talk?"

"Probably," I said and started up the stairs, "But I have to fix my hair right now."   
  
  


\--  
  
  


My hair had to be exactly the way I wanted it, that was the only way I'd go back down those stairs. That hardly ever happened. I ran the hot straightener through my hair. This literally had to be the day that my hair did what it was told.

I sighed at the mirror as I put my hat back on. I didn't want to go down stairs so I just sat on my bed and played on my phone until it got later and I had to go out with Jack.

I reluctantly went back down the stairs. Lisa was lounged in the living room on the couch. I cursed in my head as I tried to sneak past her.

She pause the stupid show she was watching and turned towards me, "I think we need to talk."

I shrugged, trying to get to the door.

"Damn it, Alex," she said exasperated, standing up to face me, "What is wrong with you?"

"You said that if I left we were over Lisa," I said unable to contain my anger anymore, "You said that and then you didn't call me or text me or anything so I sat on the tour bus for two weeks wondering if we were over or not."

"Alex we have a home together," she frowned, "I'm not going to just break up with you."

"This is _my_ house. And you didn't call me at all. I didn't hear from you at all Lisa! And I come back and you want shit to go back to normal? That's not how it fucking works, okay!"

She walked over to me, "Alex, honey, calm down." Lisa tried to touch my arm.

"No! Why didn't you talk to me?" I yelled, jerking my arm back, "How am I supposed to know we're together if you don't talk to me?"

"Alex, what did you do?" She asked calmly.

"WHAT DID _YOU_ DO?" My heart was pounding. I was so sick of being questioned! I wasn't in the wrong here! Even though I kind of was... "DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE FUCKING INNOCENT LISA!"

"ALEXANDER WILLIAM GASKARTH IF YOU EVER LOVED ME YOU WOULD TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT YOU DID!" She spat at me, deathly close to tears.

I sat on the bottom step of the stairs and buried my face in my hands, "I thought you dumped me. I thought, _I thought you dumped me_ ," I looked up at her, "What the fuck do you think I did?"

"Did you sleep with someone?"

"Yeah." I said, tired of fighting. That wasn't the reason I was so mad at her. That wasn't the reason I wasn't in love with her anymore. But I definitely was not going to tell her about Jack.

"Why?" She asked as if she had any right to question me.

"I was drunk. And lonely. And I thought you didn't want me," I leaned back against the stairs and looked at her in the eyes, "You know, you never told me why you did it."

"W-What?"

"Why'd you cheat on me Lisa?" I finally asked her.

"I thought we were over this," she muttered looking away.

"I'm not. Why did you do it Lis? Huh?" I pressed sitting up again trying to catch her eyes. She refused to meet mine.

"You were on tour, and I didn't, I was, it was stupid. I've told you so many times that it was a mistake and I'm sorry," she stuttered still not meeting my eyes.

"Was it worth it?" I asked bitterly, "Was it perfect?"

"No, Alex, it wasn't worth it," tears started to fall, "Because I love you and now you don't love me."

I frowned, "What?"

"I know you don't love me anymore. I can feel it. After everything, you just don't feel the same about me, I know it," she was crying really bad, hardly able to talk at all, "I can't tell you how sorry I am A-Alex. I-I'll never be able to explain it."

I stood up from the stairs but I didn't go near her, "I can't say I forgive you. But I just made the same mistake-"

"I forgive y-you Alex," she cried.

"I just think we need time Lisa," I sighed and rubbed my eyes before speaking, "Jack was going to let me stay with him when I came back because I thought we broke up. I'm sure he wouldn't mind me staying with him for a while."

"P-Please don't leave me baby," she tried to wrap her arms around me, "I love you so much. I'm so sorry. Please don't go."

I pulled her off me, "Stop. I just can't do this. Give me time."

She nodded her head sniffling as she did so. I grabbed my leather jacket and walked over to the door. As I was about to close it I heard her whisper, "I love you, Alex."

I acted like I didn't hear it.

_Cold as ice, Gaskarth. Cold as ice._


	8. You're the Beat Playing in My Heart

**_Alex POV:_ **

Jack was waiting for me in one of the booths of the bar. He smiled when I approached him, which made my heart do a thing. God why did he have this affect on me?

"Hey Alex," he said brightly.

I tried to smile as I sat down with him, "Hey Jack." The fight Lisa and I had really bothered me. I was kind of moping about it and I still had to ask Jack if I could stay with him.

"You alright?" he asked with a concerned look.

I nodded, "I guess."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe after a few drinks," I smiled at him as I ushered our waiter over so I could buy us a round of drinks.

Jack smiled at my choice of heavy alcohol, "Trying to get me drunk, Gaskarth?"

I chuckled, "That was the plan, yeah."

Many smiles and about 3 drinks later I started to explain my story to Jack, "So I talked to Lisa."

"How'd it go?" He asked, leaning an elbow on the table.

I let out a sarcastic laugh, "How do you think? Yeah, it was horrible." I quickly explained the gist of the argument. He listened intently to everything. Sometimes commenting with a 'bitch' or 'ha'.

He made me smile, a lot. He made me feel so much better about everything. I could just pour my guts out to him and he'd listen and actually care.

"And after that I told her I needed time," I said ending my story, "I said she could stay at the house and I'd find another place to stay for right now."

"Well you need time to think and you can't do that if she's right up your ass all the time," he replied.

I nodded, "Yeah. But that brings me to where I'm going to stay. Do you think that maybe I cou-"

"Yes," he took a sip of his drink.

A smile broke out across my lips, "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yeah I do," Jack smirked at me, "And the answer is yes."

"Really?"

He nodded and place his hand on the one I had rested on the table, "Course. Any time."

I looked down at his hand and back up at him. God he was so perfect. His dark hair with the blond looked perfect. His chocolate brown eyes were perfect. His lips, they were perfect too. My eyes lingered on his lips and when I looked back up Jack was staring at me, making my cheeks burn red. Jack bit his lip and retracted his hand. I frowned slightly.

"JALEX IS REAL!!!" We heard someone scream from across the bar. _Shit._

Two girls came running over to us. We tried to shush them. The last thing we needed was that kind of press, at least before we were ready.

I looked at them with wide eyes as they just stood there and stared at us. I looked at Jack.

"Um, hi?" Jack said to them. They looked at each other and smiled hugely.

The taller one said, "You're Jack and Alex from All Time Low right??"

"Yes," I confirmed.

"So," the other one squealed, "Is Jalex real?"

Jack looked over at me and back at the girls, "No...?"

They frowned, "What was that then?"

"Right," I muttered under my breath. _What was that, Jack? I like to know that myself,_ I thought.

"What?"

"Nothing," I answered, "Um we're not a couple."

"But you want to be," the tall one pressed on.

"Okay look," Jack said, "If any of this got out we'd be screwed. So please please please don't tell anyone about this please."

"So it _is_ real!" Short girl squealed as I stared at Jack.

Jack coughed and looked at me, "Um, yeah," he turned back to the girls, "Just please please don't say anything. Can you promise?"

They nodded frantically, "Yeah we won't tell. It was really nice to meet you. Can we get some pictures?"

We nodded and took pictures with the girls quickly before they scurried away screaming as they went.

"Did they look old enough to be in here to you?" Jack asked.

"No, no they didn't," I said.

He turned toward me, "You wanna go home?"

I nodded, "Yeah that's enough for me."  
  
  


-  
  
  


"Thanks for letting me stay with you," I said as we approached his door after the cab ride. Jack lived in an apartment complex.

"Yeah it's no problem," he put the key in the lock and soon had the door open. Walking inside, I let out a sigh. I was glad that I didn't have to go back home.

"So, uh, you can have the bed," Jack said going his room to grab a pillow and blanket.

"No, no," I said following him, "You can have it. I'll be fine with the couch." I tried taking the pillow from him but he held it firmly in his grasp.

"Damn it Alex, just sleep on the bed."

I looked down, "Thank you."

"And stop thanking me," he smiled, "It's fine."

I waited for a moment but he didn't go, he kinda bit his lip and switched back and forth on his feet.

"Alex-"

"Oh shut up," I muttered, stepping forward and crashing my lips into his.


	9. Got It All Figured Out for Now

**_Jack POV:_ **

I nervously switched which foot I was standing on, "Alex-"

He cut me off by saying, "Oh shut up," and pressing his lips to mine. I responded eagerly by wrapping my arms around him and pressing his body to mine.

When we separated for air I tried to talk, "I think we-"

"Stop thinking Jack," he murmured against my lips, "Don't you feel it too?"

A smile crept it's way onto my lips, "Yeah, I feel it."

"Then kiss me," he waited for me to make the move and I did. I connected our lips again and pushed him onto the bed. Alex smiled into the kiss and wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me down on top of him. I moved my tongue across his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He granted it and my tongue began to explore his mouth and vise versa.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for this," he grinned kissing me again. He was so sweet. I pecked around his face with small kisses and laid beside him on the bed, enveloping him in a hug. He nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck, kissing it lightly.

Soon enough after a few more short kisses and whispering sweet nothings we both closed our eyes and drifted into sleep.   
  
  


**_Alex POV:_ **

I couldn't remember where I was in the morning when I first woke up. I felt a strong arm around me. I looked over and sure enough it was Jack. Then it all came back. We kissed. We actually kissed and we admitted our feelings too. We finally did it.

I smiled to myself. I'd never been so happy first thing in the morning before. My head was rested on Jack's shoulder. I felt him shift under me. His breathing was steady, which lead me to believe that he was still asleep.

I grinned and removed his arm from around me so I could use the bathroom. I'd stayed at Jack's house before so I know where everything was. I quickly washed myself in the shower and was out in a few minutes. I didn't bring any clothes over so I decided to ask Jack if I could borrow some of his.

I quietly went into his room, a towel wrapped lightly around my waist. He wasn't sleeping anymore, he was scrolling through his phone, Twitter I was guessing.

"Jack," I said walking to the closet, "Can I borrow some clothes?"

He nodded still staring at the phone in front of his face, "Yeah, go ahead."

I opened the closet and looked for clothes. I settled on a grey pair of skinnies and a black shirt. Simple.

"Nice butt, by the way," Jack said finally looking up from his phone and smirking as I pulled on the last bit of clothing.

I grinned and a light pink tinted my cheeks, "Shut up."

"Hey it was a compliment," he said getting up from bed pressing himself to my back and wrapping his arms around me.

"Yeah okay," I murmured as his lips neared mine and connected softly.

"What do you want to do today?" Jack asked resting his chin on my shoulder, his arms still about me.

"I don't know," I said, "Whatever you want I guess."

"We could watch movies?" Jack said.

I smiled, knowing exactly what he'd want to watch, "Home Alone?"

Jack grinned, "Please?"

"Yes," I smiled, "But first thing's first, breakfast."

Jack groaned, "Can't we just get pizza?"

"For breakfast?"

He nodded, "To be fair it's like noon."

"It's morning to us. Let's just have cereal. We can order pizza later," I suggested unwrapping myself from him and heading to the kitchen.

"Fineee," Jack agreed reluctantly as he followed closely behind me.

I grabbed the ingredients for our cereal and put them together for both me and Jack. He grabbed his bowl thankfully and pressed his lips to my cheek. My stomach erupted in butterflies. This guy is too much for my heart.

We took our food and sat on the couch. Jack turned on the TV and had Home Alone on in seconds. He watched this movie a lot, but even so, Jack watched it like a little kid who'd never seen it before, making me grin. I loved him so much.

When that movie ended we put on another, a scary one by my choice. Jack curled up next to me just like on the haunted ride. I rubbed his back as we watched.

"Alex?" he asked half way through the movie his head was on my lap but he was turned towards the TV.

"Yes?" I hummed in response.

Even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was grinning, "Are we Jalex now?"

I laughed lightly, "I guess so... but I still have to end Alisa."

Jack sat up and raised an eyebrow, "Alisa?"

"Yeah, Alex and Lisa," I said, "Alisa. See?"

Jack smiled and shook his head, "You really shouldn't make ship names Alex, not all of them have a ring to it like Jalex."

"Yeah, okay," I playfully punched his arm, "Either way I really should end things with her."

"Yes yes," he waved a hand at me and kissed me on the cheek, "I'm going to take a shower."

I grabbed his hand as he tried walking away, smirking, "Can I come with you?"

He smirked, "You already had a shower today."

"I don't know, I feel dirty," I winked at him, trying to sound seductive, and failing.

Jack started laughed hysterically, "Hahahaha, I love you so much but, hahah, don't ever, hahah, say that, hahaha."

I pouted a lip out and crossed my arms, "You're mean."

Jack wrapped his arms around me, "Oh I'm only kidding. You're adorable, really."

He planted small kisses all over the side of my face until I started grinning, "Go take a shower Jack."

"You wanna come with me?" he asked innocently.

I laughed, "Not now!" I kissed him once more lightly and pushed him away from me, "Go ahead. I'll wait here."

He backed away and pointed at me, "Don't move. You stay right there."

I smiled and nodded. How in the world did we get here after all this time? I couldn't even answer that question myself :)  
  
  


**_Jack POV:_ **

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked Alex as he reached for his jacket. He was going to talk to Lisa. I felt so sad he had to do that. It wouldn't go well.

Alex smiled, "As tempting as that sounds, no. I don't think she'll take it well if I show up with my new boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" I raised an eyebrow teasingly, of course I was his boyfriend.

"I, um, I just thought-"

"Chill Alex," I grinned pecking him on the cheek, "I'll be your boyfriend if you be mine."

"Okay," a smiled spread wide across his lips, "Good. Now that that's settled, I have to go."

I nodded in response and watched as he went out the door after kissing me one last time.

The next few hours for me consisted of video games, Assassins Creed, FIFA, and the newest Call of Duty game. I wasn't bored I could tell you that, but I did miss Alex.

When he'd been gone for three hours I decided it was time to text him.

_You alright babe?_ I typed quickly and pressed send.

Moments later a response came through, _Yeah.. she's just not taking it well. I gotta go. Love you._

_Ok see you later, love you too,_ With that my heart stopped hurting and my worry started to fade. Jesus I got so worked up over him...


	10. Thorns in a Cheap Bouquet

**_Alex POV:_ **

After I left Jack's apartment I didn't go right over to the house. I just drove around for nearly two hours to prep myself and figure out what the hell I was going to say. Eventually I knew I couldn't put it off anymore. I cautiously walked up the stairs to the house. I'd told Lisa that I'd be coming over. She was really prepared because as soon as I was about to reach the door she'd already swung it open and was apologizing.

"Alex I just wanna say again that I'm so sor-"

I cut her off by holding up a hand, "Can we at least go inside first? I don't really want the neighbours listening." I looked over at a very nice but very nosy old couple next door and waved. They smiled back and waved like they hadn't been listening to our conversation.

She nodded, "Yeah come in." She walked with me to the living room where we both took a seat awkwardly. She crossed her legs and chewed on her lip, "Can I just say some things before you start?"

"Yes. Go ahead."

"I wanted to say that I love you, Alex. I love you so much. And I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I wish so badly that I could take it back but I can't. I will do anything and everything to make it up to you. Just please, please, don't say it's over."

I was silent. I couldn't find the words. This made me so sad. I loved her at one point. I really did and it hurts to hurt her now, even though I don't feel that way towards her anymore.

She looked at me expectantly, "So?"

I snapped out of my trance and looked down at my hands that were in my lap, "Well, I've, uh, been thinking... and... well, I don't think we should be together anymore. I'm so sorry Lisa but it just doesn't feel right anymore. We can still be friends but I just don't think it's going to work out romantically."

She looked up at me with fire in her eyes, "Are you, fucking, kidding me? I've done everything Alex! I've done everything to make it up to you! Why?"

"I just don't feel it anymore," I muttered, feeling like total shit.

"Is there someone else?" Lisa asked, tears spilling over, causing her makeup to run down her cheeks, "The girl you slept with? Is it her?"

"N-No, it's not her," I stuttered.

"So there is someone then..." she managed to say, defeat clear in her voice.

"Y-Yeah," I said and just then my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and there was a new message, from Jack.

_You alright babe?_

I quickly responded, _Yeah.. she's just not taking it well. I gotta go. Love you._

Right after I pressed the send button my phone was ripped out of my hand by a very emotional Lisa.

"Is this her?!" She screeched then froze. Her face twisted in confusion. I stood up and pulled my phone back out of her hand. She let me have it easily, dropping back down to the couch.

"J-Jack is calling you babe. Why is J-Jack calling you babe Alex?" She asked in horror. Then I remembered, I met her after I'd had my previous boyfriends. She didn't know I was bi.

"I... I... because..."

"Did you cheat on me with _Jack Barakat_? _You're gay_? Did you even love me _at all_?"

"I-I'm bi. I like guys and girls," I managed to say, "And I loved you before-"

"BEFORE YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH JACK BARAKAT!!!" She yelled frantically, "Dear god. How could you love _him_? He's just another asshole Alex!"

"Lisa stop!" I said sternly, "Stop talking about him like that!"

"Oh jesus! How long has this been going on?!" She was bordering hysteria.

"When you wouldn't talk to me he was there for me! Jack was there and always has been! He cares about me! He loves me!" I spat at her.

"I love you! I told you I'm sorry! Why can't you just let it go?"

"I let it go Lisa! I don't care who you fuck anymore okay?! I don't love you!"

She frowned and looked at me with deep pain in her eyes, "Okay... You need to leave."

"I have to get my stuff," I muttered walking towards the stairs.

"If you're not gone in 10 minutes I'm calling the police," she said faced away from me, "Don't think I'm kidding, Alex."

I furrowed my eyebrows and jogged up the stairs, "Crazy bitch."

"You haven't even seen crazy."

I grabbed a bag of mine, one that I'd used on the tour, it was sitting in the corner of my closet. I grabbed as much of my clothes as I could and shoved them in the bag. I grabbed my hair straighteners and stuff from the bathroom, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc...

I left some of the stuff because I could come back to get it later if needed. I quickly went back down the stairs and headed to the door when I heard Lisa call, "2 minutes. I'd get going."

That pissed me off. I stopped with my hand on the door knob. I cocked my head to the side, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You're running out of time Alex. I suggest you leave."

"You know what? Fuck you, you crazy bitch! This is my parent's house! MY house! You're lucky I'm even fucking letting you stay here. I _suggest_ you shut the fuck up and quit acting insane before I decide you need to leave!"

With that I stormed out the door and to my car. I sped all the way to Jack's apartment. When I was angry I tended to drive a little reckless. Right outside of Jack's apartment complex I heard sirens blare behind me.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the dick cop to come give me a ticket. Sure enough I got a speeding ticket and on top of that a seat belt ticket. I'd forgotten to put it on when I left the house.

I took the damn tickets from the cop and drove one more block until I was outside of Jack's apartment. I grabbed the blue bag I'd thrown in the passenger's seat and went up to the door. I didn't have a key so I had to knock.

I could hear Jack grumbling on the other side of the door which made my horrible mood brighten the tiniest bit. He swung open the door and when he saw me his annoyed face melted away, "Oh, Alex it's you."

"It's me," I said walking into the living room with Jack. He sat on the couch.

"You sound pissed," Jack said leaning back, smirking, "I like it."

I rolled my eyes and sat with him, "Sure."

"What happened?"

I rubbed my temples, "I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore after she like poured her guts out to me and she flipped. Then you texted me and she saw it. And she freaked out."

His eyes got wide apologetically, "Sorry."

I shrugged it off, "Not much we can do now... Anyways she started asking if I was gay and I told her I was bi. Then she told me to leave or she'd call the cops."

"What?" he laughed, "That's your house."

"I know!" I said exhausted, "So I flipped out on her and told her off."

Jack started laughing, "Good, haha, crazy bitch."

By this point I was laughing too, "Haha I know right! That's what I said and she was like 'you haven't seen crazy yet'. Hahah."

Jack laughed for a moment but then he died down, "What if, if she tells people about us..."

I frowned, "She won't... And I mean, we're going to tell people eventually. We can't keep this a secret forever..."

He looked down, "I, uh, I know. I just don't want her to tell people before we're ready."

I smiled softly and wrapped my arms around him, "It's gonna be alright. I promise. Let's just order pizza and play video games."

"No more video games," Jack said frowning.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Okay baby, whatever you want." I cuddled up next to him and we turned the TV on. Eventually we got hungry and ordered pizza. The rest of the night was spent cuddling and laughing and watching movies.

God I was the luckiest guy in the world.


	11. Luck Loves Me Not Tonight I'm Running Out

**_Alex POV:_ **

People don't normally call my phone. They usually text me, or sometimes send a carrier pigeon. I looked over at my ringing phone one day while Jack was in the bathroom. It read 'Matt'. If you get a call from your manager when you're on a break it brings on a whole wave of terror. It means one of two things. Either you're in trouble or...

"JACK WE'RE GOING BACK ON TOUR!" I shouted after I got off the phone with Matt.

"WHAT?" Jack came running into the living room from the bathroom, zipping up his pants, "WHAT?"

"We're going on back on tour!" I said throwing myself in his arms and pressing my mouth to his.

He wrapped his arms around me too and returned the kiss, "You're so excited!"

"Yeahhhh," I smiled, "It'll be our first tour as Jalex."

He gave me a smile, "Aww."

"The fans are going to love it!" I said thoughtfully.

"I hope so," Jack said biting his lip.

I brought my hand to his stubbly cheek, "They will. I know they will."

"It's gonna be great," he nodded into my hand and kissed me again, "When are we leaving?"

"Two weeks! Let's pack!" I jumped up and down excitedly. Shaking his hands up and down.

"That's a little bit far away, Lex."

"It's not tha-" I paused, "Jack Bassam Bakarat. Did you just call me Lex?"

He blushed, "Maybe."

"Have you been reading Jalex fanfiction?" He blushed deeper. I bursted out laughing, "OH MY SHIT, JACK, HAHAH YOU HAVE!"

He pushed my shoulder, "Shut up!" He turned away and went towards the bedroom.

I went after him and jumped on his back, "It's okay Jacky," I said using the common pet name for Jack on the internet, "We've all been there."

He grinned, grabbing me off his back, and pinned me down on the bed, "Have we?"

I nodded feeling his hot breath on my skin, "Oh yeah... And I think you know what comes next."

Jack smirked then smashed his lips against my own.

\--

The tickets I'd gotten were both $75. As unhappy as I was about it I knew I had to pay them before we left for tour. Jack and I had kind of been hiding out in his apartment for the past few weeks. Well not hiding, but if we went around town everyone would find out we were together. Jack couldn't go ten minutes without kissing me.

I really couldn't care less what people thought but apparently Jack did. I guess he wasn't ready. So his apartment was like our little sanctuary/love nest. As cliche as that sounds. I basically had to pry Jack off of me in order to go pay these tickets.

"Don't leave meee!!" Jack whimpered when I tried to leave, "Pay it later!"

"You said that yesterday. I have to go pay it before they close. Tomorrow we're going to be gone," I smiled, "But don't you worry I'll be back for sure."

He smiled, "You better." He stood up with me and wrapped his arms around me tightly. Pecking him on the lips, I returned the hug.

"I'll see you later." I waved goodbye and left the apartment. I safely drove to the stupid police station where I waited for at least fifteen minutes before they let me pay my stupid tickets. The stupid woman at the stupid desk was in a really shitty mood and she took foreverrrr to help me pay the damn things.

I got out of that horrible place nearly 30 minutes after I got there. I was really annoyed with the whole situation. I got into the car and started thinking about Jack instead because he made me so damn happy.

He was really perfect... Everything about him made me smile. I couldn't keep myself together when I was around him. He brought out the kid in me. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I also didn't care. He made me so happy. I was going to hold onto that happiness for dear life.

I was beyond excited for the tour. Jack and I would finally get to tell all the fans that Jalex was real. I knew Jack wasn't too keen on the idea. I mean I couldn't figure out why but I was sure he'd come around eventually.

My car rolled up to the apartment silently. I was driving much more careful now, I really didn't need another ticket. I unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed the keys. I was actually excited to be back so I could see Jack.

I decided I wasn't going to knock, just burst through the door and surprise him. He'd die. Heh heh.

I reached the door and pause a moment. I took a deep breath and flung the door open, "Jack! I'm ba-"

He was on the couch with his shirt off, wrapped in Lisa's arms, mouth connected to hers.


	12. Just a No Good Two-Bit Filthy Rotten Criminal

**_Jack's POV:_ **

"Don't leave me..." I whined as Alex tried to leave, "Pay it later."

"You said that yesterday. I have to go pay it before they close and I forget again," Alex smiled his beautiful smile, "But don't you worry I'll be back for sure."

I couldn't contain my returning smile even if I wanted to, "You better." I told Alex his goodbyes and he soon left to go pay his ticket. I sat down on the couch. Alone again. What to do, what to do... 

I pulled out my phone right as someone knocked on the door. Goddamn it I never had a moment alone. I stood up and awkwardly walked over to the door, hoping it was just Alex. Maybe he'd forgotten something.

I opened the door and it wasn't Alex. It was about as far from Alex as you could get. Lisa was standing at my front door.

My first impulse was to tell her to fuck off and slam the door in her face, and that's what I did. She beat on the door again, "Jack please let me in... I just want to talk to Alex."

"He's not here and I'm about 112% sure he doesn't want to talk to you," I said through the closed door.

"I need to talk to him about the house and stuff. I'm not gonna do anything," she said sadly.

I could relate to her pain. She'd lost Alex. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I sighed and opened the door a crack, "He's not here right now."

"Where is he?"

"He's paying off some traffic tickets. He should be back soon," I said.

"Oh... I can come back later..." she turned and started walking down the hall, head down.

I groaned, "Uguhguhghgh you can wait here if you want." Damn my good nature.

She turned around, "Oh I wouldn't want to intrude..."

"Just get your ass in here," I said opening the door all the way and walking into the kitchen, "You want some water?" I called as she shut the door.

"Um okay," Lisa muttered standing around awkwardly.

This is definitely not the way I planned on spending my night. I grabbed a both of us a drink and brought them in the living room, I gave her a glass of water. Sitting on the couch I began to sip from my glass, "You can sit."

She looked down and walked over to the couch. Her foot got caught on the side table and she tripped over, spilling her water all over me and the couch. "Shit!" I said. Ice cold water was all over my shirt and the couch.

Out of impulse I pulled off my shirt and began to soak up the mess.

"Shit, Jack, I'm so sorry. Here, I can clean it up. Let me get it," she said frantically.

"Stop. Just sit down," I said as I continued to clean the mess.

She quietly sat down on the dry part of the couch, "I'm really sorry Jack. I can't believe..."

"It's alri-" I started to say but was cut off.

"Look I'm really sorry about everything. I really hope there are no hard feelings between us or me and Alex..." Her words faded off as she looked at me. I'd forgotten that I'd removed my shirt. She stared at my chest, right where my tattoo was. I was afraid she was getting the wrong idea.

"I'm sure Alex will be fine once it's over," I muttered looking away.

"Will you?" She asked connecting her eyes with mine again. What is her deal?

"I'll be alright as long as Alex is..."

She scooted closer to me, "You know Jack, I can see why Alex likes you..." she touched the Jack Skellington tattoo on my chest, making me flinch. She didn't pay attention and went on, "You've always had something about you..."

"I-" was cut off by her forcing her lips onto mine. She ran her hands through my hair wildly, making it look really disheveled. I freaked out and put my hands on her shoulders so I could push her away right as the door flung open.

Alex.

"Jack! I'm ba-" Lisa whipped around to see Alex. He was staring mouth agape at the tangled mess that we were. SHIT.

"A-Alex," I began.

He turned around and quickly ran down the hall.

I pushed Lisa off me roughly, "GET OUT!"

She leaned back smirking, "You sure you don't want to finish this Jack?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I yelled pulling the shirt back over my head.

She laughed and made her way out the door slowly, "See you later."

"If I never see you again it'll be too soon, Lisa! GO!" I screamed one last time as she shut the door, "FUCKKKKK!"

I picked up my phone and tried calling Alex, to no avail. He didn't pick up. Damn it. I sent him a billion texts,

_Alex please come back_

_It's not what you think_

_Please just let me explain_

_I love you so much_

_I would never do that to you_ , None of the messages got a response.

God fucking shit. I fucked up so bad.

**_Alex POV:_ **

I was crying, obviously, as I ran out of the building. I didn't want to drive in the dark while I was hysterically crying so I ran to the back of the complex. There was a river back there that was starting to frost over from the cold, I sat down on the cold ground next to it. At this point I didn't care.

How could Jack do that to me? I thought he loved me. I could expect something like that from Lisa. She was a fucking bitch but not Jack, never Jack. He was supposed to care. He was supposed to always be there for me and always love me.

I should've known better. Jack went through boyfriends and girlfriends like there was no tomorrow. What fucking made me think I'd be different. But did it really have to be _Lisa_? Right after I just broke up with her for _him_.

It was cruel. It was unreal and un-fucking-believable. I heard Lisa leave the apartment soon after I did. She was noisy about it, naturally. I continued to cry, even though I knew I needed to get a fucking grip.

My phone buzzed constantly with new messages from Jack. I didn't look at them because I didn't even want to hear his bullshit excuses.

I was done. I was so done.


	13. Take a Second to Set Things Straight

**_Jack's POV:_ **

I called Rian and Zack and asked if they knew where he was. They didn't know. Alex didn't reply to a million texts. I decided to go out and look for his ass. It was cold and late and he probably was somewhere alone. I just had to find him and make shit right.

Where would Alex go? His car was still parked outside of the building so he wasn't too far. I walked around the little wooded area near the parking lot but he wasn't in there either. I went around the brick building calling his name.

The river back there was freezing up and I knew Alex loved pretty shit like that so I went back there in search of him. It'd gotten really fucking cold really fast. I didn't even understand how the weather worked. I was wearing the wet shirt from earlier and black skinny jeans, not necessarily the warmest outfit.

I was worried about what Alex was wearing. I remembered he'd grabbed his leather jacket before leaving, thank jebus. He'd be frozen, like me, if not.

"Alex?!" I called out as I neared the river.

His voice rang out closer to me than I thought he'd be, "Go away," causing me to fall back. I couldn't help but start laughing. I was so happy I found him.

"Please come back inside," I said after I saw his face. He was not amused by my laughter so I shut up, "I-It's freezing."

"I'm fine," he shivered, "I'm not even cold."

"Yeah right," I whispered rolling my eyes, "Can you please just come back inside so I can explain this?"

He frowned as his eyebrows pulled together, "I don't want to hear it Jack. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's bullshit. No matter how much time you spent making it up."

His words hit me hard, more so than if he'd have punched me in the gut. He stood up and started towards the apartment.

"Are you coming back in?" I asked quietly, standing up after him.

"Yeah and you're sleeping on the couch."

"Can I please just expl-"

"Stop Jack. I really don't want to hear it," he stated bluntly.

"Okay..." I muttered following him like a sad puppy. I would tell him the truth if it was the last thing I did. Maybe now just wasn't the proper time.

We walked silently into the apartment. I grabbed a pillow and blanket from my room, stopping quickly too look at the bed Alex and I had shared the past few weeks.

He made a cough noise to catch my attention.

"Sorry," I muttered hanging my head low and exiting the room. I put my things on the couch and cuddled up as best I could. I closed my eyes but I couldn't sleep. I thought I heard Alex singing quietly in the other room.

He was singing one of our songs. Stay Awake.  
  
  


**_Alex POV:_ **

I let the tears silently fall again once Jack left the bedroom. I made him sleep on the couch because I really didn't want to sleep on the couch Jack and Lisa made out on.

The bed was empty without Jack. He usually draped an arm over me and cuddled close. I buried my face in the pillow and let out a small sigh. _Figure it out boy, you're tripping_ , I thought to myself. And did the only thing left that made sense.

" _Caught in a cold sweat stuck splitting hairs_ ," I sang softly into the darkness, " _I'm drinking too much,_

_I'm on my way to striking out,_

_Go to sleep with the pressure of everyone,_

_Watching, waiting, they're yours for the taking,_

_But I still have my doubts,_

_Before you ask which way to go,_

_Remember where you've been,_

_Stay awake, get a grip and get out,_

_You're safe from the weight of the world,_

_Just take a second to set things straight,_

_I'll be fine even though I'm not always right,_

_I can count on the sun to shine,_

_Dedication takes a lifetime,_

_But dreams only last for a night,_

_Figure it out boy, you're tripping,_

_So pull yourself together,_

_Or you'll wash up like the rest,_

_This ship is sinking, I'm thinking I'm done for,_

_I watch as the sails disappear underwater,_

_'Cause I'm no captain yet,_

_I said, 'Before you ask which way to go,_

_Remember where you've been,'_

_Stay awake, get a grip and get out,_

_You're safe from the weight of the world,_

_Just take a second to set things straight,_

_I'll be fine, even though I'm not always right,_

_I can count on the sun to shine,_

_Dedication takes a lifetime,_

_But dreams only last for a night,_

_Believe you me, I'll give them everything,_

_I'd tell them anything to show them everything,_

_Believe you me, I'll give them everything,_

_I'd tell them anything to show them everything,_

_'Cause you ain't the only ones who wanna live it up,_

_You ain't the only ones,_

_You ain't the only ones who wanna live it up,_

_You ain't the only ones,_

_You ain't the only ones who wanna live it up,_

_You ain't the only ones,_

_You ain't the only ones who wanna live it up,_

_You ain't the only ones,_

_Stay awake, get a grip and get out,_

_You're safe from the weight of the world,_

_Just take a second to set things straight,_

_I'll be fine, even though I'm not always right,_

_I can count on the sun to shine,_

_Dedication takes a lifetime,_

_But dreams only last for a night..._ "

By the end of the song my eyes were closed and I was mumbling the lyrics. I was close to sleep. The tears had stopped coming for the time being and I took that as an opportunity to let sleep take me over.

At least my heart doesn't hurt when I sleep.


	14. He Woke Up from Dreaming and Put on His Shoes

**_Alex POV:_ **

I turned over in the morning and reached subconsciously for Jack. I was sadly reminded that he wasn't there by the cold empty bed next to me. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. My heart hurt so badly. It shouldn't hurt this much.

I couldn't tell if Jack was up or not. I honestly was dreading going out there. He was going to try and feed me some bullshit. Did he even love me at all? Was this some cruel joke?

I cut off my train of thought. I didn't want to think like that. It hurt way more. I grabbed my phone and put it on shuffle.

I laid there and let my phone play through All The Small Things. I nodded my head to the music. When that song ended one of ours began. I grabbed my phone to skip it, I wasn't really in the mood to listen to myself sing. I noticed it was Stay Awake, the song I was singing last night.

I grinned slightly and let it play through, singing quietly along. I checked the time, it was 9 o'clock. The guys would be here to pick us up around 10. I reluctantly got up, knowing it took me a while to get ready. I peaked my head out of the bedroom. Jack was sitting on the couch watching the TV.

I tip toed into the bathroom, not wanting to get his attention, not wanting to see his chocolate brown eyes. I sighed as I turned on the water for the shower. I quickly washed myself and was just enjoying the warm water that was waking up my limbs. It got cold way too soon and I hopped out.

I brushed my teeth after wrapping a towel around my waist. I sighed, realizing I'd have to leave the bathroom for clothes, and then spend the rest of the tour on the same bus as him. I'd have to let him talk and I knew it but I was just dreading it.

I opened the door to the bathroom scrolling through my phone and smacked right into something, someone. Jack. Before I could fall backwards he grabbed my shoulders and kept me steady. My towel almost fell, but I grabbed it.

"Oh shit, Alex. I'm sorry," Jack's cheeks turned pink and I know mine were burning red. I looked down, his hands were still on my shoulders. He removed one and to my surprise touched my cheek, making my face tilt up to look at him.

I sighed. It was good to feel his touch again.

"I think we should talk before this tour starts on the wrong foot," Jack whispered, looking into my eyes. My stomach started doing the weird thing that happens whenever he talks to me.

I reluctantly nodded, "Can I just go put on some clothes first?"

"Of course," he said removing his hands from my bare skin. I walked into the bedroom and quickly threw on some black skinny jeans and a white v-neck shirt that I'd brought from my house. I took deep breath and emerged from the bedroom.

Jack was waiting uneasily on the couch for me. I could tell he was really tense. I sat next to him and waited for him to speak.

"I don't know why she showed up. She said she wanted to talk to you a-and I let her in to wait. I was trying to be nice. I gave her some water and she spilled it on me and the couch," he frowned, "My shirt was wet while I was outside."

That made sense, "Okay I'll give you that. She's clumsy. But how can you even explain sucking face with her? And why her Jack? Of all fucking people! I just dumped her fo-"

He stopped me, "I'll explain just let me finish, please."

I nodded stiffly so he went on, "So anyways I took my shirt off so I could clean up the mess-"

"A towel wouldn't work?"

"Alex, please," he pleaded, obviously getting a little frustrated, "I cleaned it up and she started talking before I could get a new shirt. And she said she hoped we didn't have hard feelings toward her and she said that she like understood why you liked me-"

I frowned. Lisa was a little lying shit, "She was just saying how she-!"

He gave me a death glare and I quieted so he could finish, "After she said that stuff she fucking kissed me. And Alex I swear on everything I love, I swear on us, that I was a millisecond away from pushing her off me when you came in."

I was frowning, my eyebrows pulled together in frustration. He could be lying. But he did look really sad, "Is that the truth?"

Jack nodded quickly, "Of course. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you."

My eyes met his chocolate ones, "Really?"

He gave me a small smile, "Really."

I looked down again, "I'm sorry I wouldn't let you explain. I should've known Lisa was behind this."

Jack shrugged, "It's fine. It did look pretty bad."

"So... can we start over?" I asked him.

A grin crept onto his lips as he nodded, "I'd love that."

I wrapped my arms around his waist. Jack buried his head in my neck but snapped up quickly when someone banged on the door.

"Hurry the fuck up dipshits! We have a schedule to keep!" Matt called from outside the door, "We still have to get Zack!"

Jack quickly pushed me away, "I, uh, we'll be right there." I looked at him questioningly he gave me a sorry face and whispered, "I just don't think we should tell them yet."

"You want us to sneak around?" I bit my lip, I tried to make my voice sound less hurt than I was.

"Just for a little," Jack pecked my lips with his, "Only a little... We better go."

"Okay," I sighed and went to grab my bags. I wanted to tell people about us. I didn't want to have to hide. By the time I got back Jack had let Matt into the apartment.

"Let's go, let's go," he said, "You don't wanna be late for your own show."

Jack looked at us and smirked, "Wouldn't be the first time." I smiled at his comment and followed them out to the bus. Good old tour bus. Lots of memories in this thing.

I quickly claimed my normal bunk and unpacked a few of my belongings, pictures and chargers mostly. I laid on my bed as the tour bus started off. I started to think about Jack and how stupid it was of me to think he actually kissed her. I mean, he wouldn't do that to me. Of course he wouldn't. I couldn't believe I overreacted so much.

I was really glad we were back together but it did bug me that he didn't want to tell anybody. Our fans would love it and I'm sure Rian and Zack wouldn't care. I wondered if maybe he was embarrassed of me. I quickly shook my head and refused to think that. He wasn't embarrassed of me. What would I have done to make him ashamed of me?

I was jolted from my thoughts by Rian.

"Good to see you again. You and Jack have been in that apartment for weeks," he grinned teasingly, "What'd you do in there?"

I rolled my eyes, "Nothing. Watched movies mostly."

"Home Alone probably."

I groaned, "Don't even mention that."

"I saw he brought it with him," Rian said, "Sorry dude."

"There is nothing wrong with Home Alone!" Jack said from his bunk, "Quit hating! You said you liked it, Alex."

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I just have seen it a ton," I said.

"Because it's a great movie!" Jack whined.

Rian chuckled and walked away from our bunks, "You two are like a married couple, I swear."

Jack bit his lip then turned to smile at me and mouthed, _I love you._

I returned the smile, wishing silently that we could sleep in the same bunk. I didn't want to spend another night alone.


	15. Just a Daydream Away

**_Alex POV:_ **

We had to sneak around so much it hurt. I wanted to kiss him whenever I wanted. I wanted to crawl into his bunk at night when I got cold. I wanted to hold his hand on stage. I wanted to tell my boyfriend I loved him when he said something sweet. But I couldn't because Jack didn't want anyone to know.

We would sit in the bunks when no one was around and maybe share a few small kisses if we were sure no one was around. One night after the show Jack and I had snuck off behind some backstage equipment to 'talk'.

Jack's lips crashed into mine as soon as we were out of sight. His hands felt up my body tenderly yet eagerly. I ached for his touch. I wanted to be close to him again. It'd been forever since we were together.

His lips trailed my jaw and went down to my neck. He bit lightly making me gasp. He chuckled and I pushed him against this big metal box connecting our lips forcefully, making it shake.

"Shit," someone muttered from the other side of the box.

Jack looked at me terrified as the person came around to greet us. The equipment box was too tall for anyone to be seen over it. I quickly stepped away from Jack before the boy came into view. He was a little bit shorter than Jack but still taller than me. He wore a beanie but his hair was jet black with a turquoise streak in it like Jack's used to be when he was younger. He had an eyebrow piercing and small gages.

His eyes widened and he turned around, "I, uh, sorry. I'll just... sorry," he apologized awkwardly and went away.

Jack put his head back against the box, this time softly, "Do you think we knew it was me you were with? I was kinda behind you..."

I closed my eyes, "Yeah he probably knows."

Jack bit his lip, "Do you think he'll tell people?"

I shrugged, "N-No probably not. If I see him again I'll ask him not to."

He nodded while looking at his feet, "Yeah, okay."

"Why don't we tell people Jack?" I asked wrapping my arms around his torso and putting my head on his shoulder, "If we tell people then we won't have to sneak around or worry about people telling. It could be good."

"I just, I don't know if it's a good idea," he whispered into my hair.

"But why?" I asked him, my voice sounding small. I moved my head back so I could look into his eyes, "Are you embarrassed of me?"

"No!" he said quickly frowning, "I'm not embarrassed of you!"

"Then why don't you want to tell people about us?"

"I don't know, Alex. I just... Fuck." He didn't have an actual excuse. He just didn't.

My heart ached for us.  
  
  


—-  
  
  


A few nights after that Jack and I were sitting in the back lounge kind of cuddled up. My legs were draped over his and he played with my fingers as Home Alone played on the TV.

It was nice. This was the most contact we'd had on the tour bus with people in the other room. Rian and Zack were in the kitchen eating. Jack usually didn't even want to sit near me when they were on the bus. Even with the door closed.

I didn't understand him. Why did he make us so distant? Even on the other tours Jack and I were always on top of each other and cuddly and we were just friends then. If they didn't suspect anything then why would they now? It made no sense.

This moment I had with him was the closest we'd gotten in a while. I was cherishing it. I let my heart have the happiness for once. I let it make my whole body numb with love. I didn't care that we weren't telling people.

I just enjoyed his fingers intertwined with mine. And how he looked over at me to grin when his favorite part of the movie came on.

"I love you..." I mumbled quietly while looking into his chocolate eyes.

His smile widened, "I love you too." He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine softly and swiftly. Such a small kiss, but even then it sent my heart into a fit. I'd came to the realization that that was never going to go away.

He leaned his head back on the couch so he could focus on the movie yet again. I watched his reactions for a few moments before turning my attention back to the film myself.

The door behind us opened. I didn't move because the stuff we were doing, we would've done when we were only friends. Rian and Zack came around and sat down on the couch next to Jack and I. One on either side of us. Way to ruin my moment guys.

"Home Alone again?" Zack asked.

Jack silently nodded, still watching the movie he'd seen at least thirty times if not more. I noticed our hands that were intertwined seconds before were now a few inches apart by his doing.

"Don't you own anymore movies?" Rian complained.

"Shut up," Jack whined, eyes glued to the screen, "He's about to get hit with the paint." I half smiled at his childlike enthusiasm. He was so cute.

We watched in silence as the creepy home invaders were tricked by a child. A smart kid, I'd say. I would never have been able to pull something like that off.

When the credits started to roll Rian and Jack were arguing about which movie to watch next while Zack started to scroll through the movies on Netflix. I stood up, I needed to get some fresh air. I walked over to the window and opened it. There wasn't enough air coming into the window to actually let me breath because we were pulling into a gas station.

"Hey we're coming up on a gas station," Matt said with his head poked through the door.

"Yes," I smiled, "I have to get off this bus for at least a minute or two."

"Too early in the tour to feel that way, Alex," Jack said from the couch.

"You already know what would make it better," I took my stab at him and went on, "You guys want me to get anything for you?"

"Yes!" They all said and told me what they wanted, handing me an appropriate amount of money to go with it. I hopped off the bus and went into the store. The equipment van was stopped too.

I walked up to the candy aisle first. I grabbed the candy and snacks everyone told me to get and grabbed a ton for me too. After I made sure I hadn't forgotten anything I went over to the refrigerators. I quickly grabbed a ton of rock stars and monsters. A guy walked behind me, I looked at him. I recognized him. He was the guy who caught Jack and I the other night.

I turned and called out to him, "Hey, you!"


	16. Baby Don't Fret

**_Alex POV:_ **

He whipped around quickly, "Hey, me?"

I nodded, "Yes. I need to speak with you. What's your name?"

"William," he looked flustered, "I go by Will."

"That's my middle name," I said, "But that's irrelevant. I'm Alex Gaskarth. Nice to meet you, Will."

"You too," he hopped back and forth on his feet nervously, "Am I, like, in trouble?"

I shook my head, "Nah. It's just you really can't tell people about what you saw the other night."

"Yeah, I wasn't going to. That's your business, not mine."

"Thanks man," I said and went on rambling unnecessarily, "Jack doesn't want people to know. I don't see the big deal but yeah, it's whatever."

He just nodded.

"So are you like in charge of the equipment?" I asked grabbing some gummy bears off the shelf next to me. I put them back and grabbed the gummy worms instead. Because why not.

"Uh, yeah. I just pack the stage stuff. Matt said I could help tune the guitars and bring you guys out stuff on stage soon," Will said excitedly, finally not cringing back with every word he spoke.

"You play guitar?"

He grinned and nodded, "Yeah."

"We should jam sometime," I said walking to the check out line.

"Really?"

"Yeah I don't see why not," I shrugged. Will was cool, and pretty attractive so he wasn't a pain to look at. I, of course, didn't think too deep about that because I had Jack. Jack was all I needed.

I brought Will back to the tour bus. He usually rode on the equipment van but he was cool so I told him he could hang with us for a while. We went back to the lounge where Jack and Rian had agreed on watching Mean Girls. Zack sat back and watched too. He was probably the one who picked it.

Will and I sat on the other couch because there wasn't enough room on the first for both of us and I didn't want him to be the odd man out. Jack looked over at me and frowned when he saw Will.

"Got a new boyfriend?" Rian teased.

My cheeks burned read, "No. Will's a guitar tech. He's _cool_." I put an extra emphasis on cool for Jack's sake. I knew he was nervous about him blabbing about us.

"I'm not a guitar tech yet," Will said shyly brushing his hair from his eyes.

Jack made a face, "It's a lot of work. Do you even know how to play?"

Will nodded, "Yeah, I've been playing for a while now."

"Great," Jack muttered bitterly. I was getting kind of amused with his attitude towards Will. He was being pretty shitty. I loved it.

We all quieted so we could watch the movie. Will fit in really good. He had the same sense of humor as us, which always helps. We all laughed at the stupid high school bitches.

After the movie we pulled out one of our guitars and had Will play us something. He was actually good. I mean, not Jack good but still surprisingly good. Jack looked at him skeptically the whole time and in the end everyone clapped but him.

"What's wrong with you, Jack," Rian asked, "You jealous Alex has a new boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," I said quickly, I wanted so badly to tell them Jack was but I knew he'd kill me so I kept silent. Jack got up and walked out of the room. I rolled my eyes.

"What the fuck?" Zack questioned, "It was you last tour and now its him. What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing," I muttered, "I'll go see what's wrong with him." I stood and made my way to his bunk, closing the door behind me, grinning as I left. This boy was jealous.  
  


**_Jack's POV:_ **

Fuck that kid. He doesn't get to come onto my tour bus and cuddle up with my boyfriend. That's not okay. And I definitely was not okay with it. No one was supposed to know about Alex and I being together, but that Will guy did know. He saw us so why is he talking to Alex and looking at him like that? It's not o-fucking-kay with me.

"Jack," Alex softly spoke from outside my bunk, "Jack please don't be mad. I didn't do anything. And Will said he wouldn't say anything."

He pulled back the curtain and looked at me, "What're you mad for?"

I frowned at him but I didn't say anything. He grinned at me in response, making me frown more. He crawled into my bunk with me after checking to make sure the door to the back was closed.

He shut the curtain and turned towards me, our bodies pressed together, "Don't be jealous Jack."

"I'm not jealous," I said in a cocky way, "Jack Barakat doesn't get jealous."

"Oh yeah?" Alex smirked raising an eyebrow, "I guess I'll just go back out there and hang with Will then."

He started to remove himself from my bed but I grabbed his waist and squeezed, making him gasp.

"Not jealous huh?" He continued to smirk.

"Nope," I shook my head, "because I know you want me. Now kiss me."

He grinned and pulled back when I tried to connect our lips, "Are you sure? Everyone is in the other room. Right over there."

I groaned, "Can you just kiss me please?" I didn't wait for him to respond. I jerked my head forward and smashed my lips against his. I pushed him down against the bed and climbed on top of him. I ran my finger inside of the waist of his jeans. He moaned into the kiss, opening his mouth. I took my chance and moved my tongue into his mouth to explore what I already knew so well.

I removed myself from his lips and moved to his neck. I moved his shirt out of the way and sucked and bited until I left a nice mark. He groaned out when I stopped. I started to palm his crotch to make up for it.

He was breathing really heavily as he grew under my hand, "J-Jack, they're right there. W-We can't. Oh god..."

I wanted him. I wanted to have him so badly, but I knew he was right. I sighed and crawled off of him, I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel his heart thudding against my chest. His breathing was still heavy but was slowly going back to normal.

"Soon," I whispered, "We have to soon."

"Yes." He nodded and pecked my lips, "You should really go back."

I pouted a lip, "Why not you?"

"Really?" he looked at me, "One, the hicky you just gave me. Two, the boner that you gave me. Shall I go on?"

I grinned and looked at my work on his neck, "I got you good."

He laughed, "Yeah, so you get to go."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine." I climbed on top of him, 'accidentally' palming him more. My excuse being I had to get over him in order to get out of the bunk.

He groaned and pushed me off him, "Goddamn it, Jack."

I laughed and went back into the back lounge as he stumbled awkwardly into his own bunk.


	17. Kiss the Sweat Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut's shit, not gonna lie man. I wrote it when I was like 14 so yeah. 
> 
> I based it off this video tho so this is the link to go with it...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWHl_KepbEw

**_Jack POV:_ **

We were all on stage playing Stella and Alex does this little bullshit thing that he just plays off as normal which is total bullshit. He did this fucking thing at the 2AM part with his voice and like my damn knees went weak and shit but I had to keep playing because no one was supposed to know. He gave me this little look and when I was playing near Zack later he touched my hair and played it off all normal. I wanted to fucking have him right there.

He kept making small little passes at me the whole show and after we got off stage I attacked him. He was walking in the backstage room. I don't know where Zack and Rian were but the room was empty.

I tackled Alex onto one of the leather couches, I could tell I knocked wind out of him. He was sweating already from the show, which I found sexy as fuck.

He looked at me shocked, I smirked at him, "You're an asshole."

He smirked in return, "You liked that, did you?"

I bit my lip and instead of answering I smashed my lips into Alex's forcefully. He eagerly kissed me back wrapping his legs around my waist. My mouth went all over his lips and down his jawline to his neck making him moan a little.

"Sing it," I mumbled into his neck and kissing again.

He knew exactly what I was talking about too.

He chuckled a little and let out a moan when my hand ventured down, "2 aaammmm..." he sang softly grabbing at my hair.

I pulled up on his shirt, running my hands over his stomach and sides. He smiled and kept softly singing Stella, but instead replacing Stella with my name and every female part of speech or a male one.

It turned me on so much hearing his voice like that. I pressed my lips against Alex's now bare chest and worked my way up until I reached his mouth again.

He moved his hands along the inside of my shirt enveloping me in his arms that he gently ran across my skin.

He pulled off my shirt and pulled me down for another kiss. I kicked off my shoes as he did his. Alex's hand ventured down to the hardening bulge in my pants, making me moan out a little. His touches were so gentle and loving, which made the anticipation worse and the ending 10 times more fulfilling.

Alex pushed me back against the couch and crawled on top of me. He undid my pants and pulled them down and off leaving me in just my boxers. He smirked at me and trailed his fingertip around my thighs and stomach, but not going near the tent that was formed in my boxers.

I groaned out in frustration, "Just touch me already."

Alex continued to smirk and tease me a little, but eventually he did wrap his hand around me so he could stroke slowly. And I do mean slowly. 

Bit my lip, "Damn it you're such a tease."

"You love it," Alex murmured, bringing his tongue to my tip. I gasped  as he quickly took me into his mouth.

I flung my head back and involuntarily bucked my hips, making me go deeper into his mouth. He didn't flinch or stop. I tangled my hands in his hair so I could have something to hold onto. 

"Fuck, Alex," I moaned, "S-Stop, please, I still want to fuck you."

He looked up at me with innocent eyes, "You sure?"

I nodded quickly even though my body was screaming for him to continue. I wrapped my hand around his length and pumped quickly.

"Do you have stuff?" I whispered seductively into his ear.

His breathing was unsteady as he stuttered a reply, "I-In my p-pocket." 

I let go of him so I could retrieve the small bottle and condom from his discarded pants, "You planned this?"

"Maybe," he said slyly as I walked back over to him, "Oh, let me do that." 

He grabbed the condom and put it on me. The lube was a little cold as he spread it on me but I didn't mind because it felt really fucking good. 

"Jesus, Jack," Alex said, sitting back on the couch, waiting for me, "Don't bust your nut before we fuck."

I gave him a sarcastic laugh, "Ha ha. Funny. Now come here." 

I crawled on top of him and placed a kiss on his lips then trailed them down his jawline and neck. He squirmed under me.

"Patience," I murmured into his ear. I aligned myself with his entrance and looked at him one more time to make sure he was ready.

He nodded quickly, "Just do it already."

I pressed myself into him and we both immediately let out a groan. We hadn't had each other in this way for a while. I kissed him again deeply and started moving slowly in and out. 

"Mm, fuck, you feel so good," I whispered into his neck.

He nodded against my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me so he could kiss me again. I happily obliged and pressed my mouth to his. 

I sped up a little and Alex moaned out underneath me. I smirked, "Sing it again."

He laughed but did sing it and when he got to the part I changed my angling as he got to the 2 AM part and he moaned out, which made me groan. Alex made the sexiest noises and faces, and that alone would sometimes send me over the edge. 

"T-Touch me, J-Jack," Alex breathed against my skin. I kissed him and started pumping his length in time with my thrusts. He bucked his hips up into my hand which changed my angle inside of him and make him scream out.

"J-Jack, fuck, I-I'm gonna, agh fuck," he tried to warn me. I pumped him faster and picked up my pace until he was spilling onto his stomach with one final loud moan. That sent me over the edge and I was shooting into the condom. I rode out both of our highs. When we were calmed down I layed next to him and planted a long sweet kiss on his lips. 

"I love you," he whispered against my chest.

"I love you too," I said softly as I rubbed circles into his lower back.

And it was true. I loved him so fucking much. I should've agree to tell people about us. We shouldn't have had to hide like this... but I just couldn't.


	18. I Swear He's Out to Get Me

**_Jack POV:_ **

I didn't want to stay away from him, but after our make out session the other day I felt like everyone knew something was up. And then we disappeared a few nights after that to be together. They didn't know what we were doing but I'd be lying if I said they weren't suspicious.

I should've told everyone by now. I shouldn't make Alex wait for so long. I knew it had to happen at one point but I put it off for so long because every time I told everyone about my relationships it ended horribly. When we told people no one would shut up about it and the other person and I just lost it, whatever it was we had.

It was hard to explain. All I knew was that it never ended well. I didn't want that to be Alex and I. I wanted us to be forever. Telling people would ruin everything.

Alex asked me more and more to tell everyone. I could tell he was getting impatient. He thought I was ashamed of him, which wasn't true at all. He talked to that stupid guy a lot. The one who knows about us, Will.

I hated him. I had no particular reason not to like him but I really fucking did. He got under my skin so bad.

He would bring out guitar picks and rockstars for us on stage and I really wanted to trip him. Just watch him fall while the audience laughs.

I didn't because I knew Alex would be mad at me if I did. That didn't stop me from hating him. Who could blame me though? The stupid kid was always with my boyfriend.

Alex was innocent and I knew he didn't think of Will in that way, but that didn't stop the love from growing in Will's eyes. Alex was fucking amazing. Who wouldn't love him?

I could tell that Will was starting to feel something more for Alex and it pissed me off to no end. I wouldn't be so shitty about it if Will hadn't known about Alex and I being a thing. He did know yet he still hung around him all the damn time.

I was frustrated beyond reason. I knew it would be best to keep Alex and I a secret. I also knew it had to come out soon. I knew I hated this Will guy. I knew I didn't fucking want Alex with his bitch ass.

I was seriously thinking about just kissing Alex on stage for everyone to see and know that this boy was mine, but I chickened out. I never did it. The more I thought about it the more terrified I got.

I couldn't fuck this up. I couldn't lose him.

 

**_Alex POV:_ **

After that night Jack and I went back to our distant relationship. We, like usual, snuck around some. I went back to hurting. The only time I felt good was when I was on stage or with Jack. I knew it was completely ridiculous to base my happiness on one person. But nevertheless I did.

Will kept me company most of the time. We hung out before shows and after shows. He brought me stuff during the shows. He was just always there smiling and trying to make me laugh. He was a really cool guy.

Jack hated him, which made me sad. I knew I couldn't do anything about it. Jack could be so stubborn sometimes. I'm sure he's convinced that Will was in love with me or something. I didn't even know if he was gay or straight or bi or what. So I really doubted he liked me like that. We were just friends. That's all.

Since Will was the only one who knew about Jack and I, I found myself complaining to him about our situation a lot.

Will would just listen attentively and nod. He would rarely give feedback but I didn't mind because it was mostly just nothing. Other times we just talked about shows or got to know each other.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked Will one day backstage. We'd just finished sound check. Will and I were alone, no one was around. I didn't think anything of it.

"Um, probably red," he grinned, "You?"

"I don't know I like a lot of colors."

"That's cool," he looked into my eyes and before I knew it his lips were on mine.

Oh. Um. _Oh._

I scrunched up my face and pushed his away from me quickly. I didn't do it roughly but I did it so he would know that's definitely not okay.

"Y-You know I'm with Jack," I stuttered scooting away from him.

"No one is supposed to know," Will said, "So how am I supposed to know?"

I sighed, he's such a fucking smart ass sometimes, "Yeah well either way I'm with him and you know about it so that can't happen again."

Will leaned back against the box we were sitting on, "Why do you stay with him, Alex? He doesn't even want people to know you're together. If you were with me I'd tell anyone and everyone."

"I love him," I said simply, "I really do."

"Yeah, well, I love _you_."

I made a face, "Will please stop. You're really cool and nice and I like you a lot but I really can't leave Jack. I just, I can't."

"If you and Jack weren't together would you give me a chance?"

I shrugged uncomfortably, "I don't know, maybe. But I _am_ with him so it doesn't matter anyways."

Will looked down, "Yeah... Just know that I'm always here for you." He placed his hand on mine.

I smiled awkwardly pulling my hand back, "Same here. I better go find Jack. We're on stage in a little while."

"You're not gonna tell him are you?" Will asked quickly.

"I don't know maybe," I said thinking about it, "He is my boyfriend. He should know."

"Please don't tell him!" Will pleaded, "He already hates me!"

"And you just kissed his boyfriend so he kinda has a right to. We're cool Will, but I can't say the same thing about Jack," I walked away before he could respond.

I was wrong about him. I couldn't have been more wrong about him.


	19. Our Love Hit a Wall

**_Alex POV:_ **

Jack was in the backstage room in his underwear arguing with Rian about something stupid that only they understood.

"NO DAWSON! I DO NOT THINK THAT'S A PROVEN _FACT_ SO YOU CAN GET THE _FACTS_ OR GO- Oh hi Alex," Jack cut off mid argument and smiled at me. I smiled back.

Rian scrunched his face up and looked at Jack, "I don't care what you say Barakat! It's a _fact_!"

"Yeah whatever," Jack said brushing off the argument, "What's up Alex?"

"Can we talk for a sec?" I asked Jack. His face was scared for a moment but he quickly recovered with a smile.

Rian rolled his eyes and got up to leave, "Guess that's my cue to go find Zack." He left, running down the hall shouting something about a lost bassist and a reward.

Jack looked at me hesitantly, "What's up?"

"Well I need you to not freak out when I tell you this okay?"

"You know I can't promise that because if I do freak out then you'll be mad, but you know I probably couldn't help it," he said shrugging.

"What?" I gave him a half smile, "Fine. Just please try not to freak out. That's the last thing we need right now."

He nodded, "Okay. I'll try."

"Alright so Will and I," he made a face but I ignored it, "were talking backstage and so then, heh, get this. He kisses me."

"I'm gonna kill him," he balled up his fists.

I put a hand on his chest, "Alright chill, you're in your underwear, Jack. But, I pushed him off, I promise. I wouldn't have told you if I didn't. I was like 'whoa man back up there you know Jack and I are a thing'. Then he tried to be a smart ass and-"

"I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"Please stop. People aren't supposed to know about us and if you go and beat the shit out of him for 'no reason' then you're gonna look like the douche. Unless of course you want to tell everyone..." I slipped in the last part.

"No," he muttered defeated.

"Goddamn it Jack, why not?"

"Because I just can't, Alex."

"You are ashamed of me," I whispered, head down.

He sighed, "I'm not."

"You are! Jack, I'm not going to be with you if you're ashamed to tell people we exist. We can't sneak forever and you know it," I was fighting back tears, "You have to tell someone or I will."

"You wouldn't. Alex if you tell it's over," Jack said, shocking the shit out of me, "I'm not ready."

I looked at him, eyes glistening with tears and pain, "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He shook his head, "I'm not kidding."

"When will you be ready then? A month? A Year? On you're fucking death bed!?"

He frowned and sat on the couch, "I-, no. You just don't understand."

I sat next to him, "Make me understand."

"You _won't_ ," he whimpered.

"How do you know?"

"Please leave me alone."

"No..."

"Please go."

"Jack I-"

"Just fucking leave me alone!"

I looked at him but he refused to meet my eyes, "If I go, if you make me go, I'm not coming back. We're over. I'm done."

Those chocolate eyes wouldn't turn to meet my own. He didn't tell me to stay with him. He just sat there.

I stood up, tears openly flowing out now, "Fine. If that's what you want. I'll go. Sorry I wasted your fucking time."

I waited for a moment and when he didn't respond I ran out of the room and out of the building as fast as I could. I ran into Will on the way out.

"Hey show's cancelled. Stupid fucking speaker glitched out and none of it works," he said as I passed by.

"Really?" I turned to look at him.

He nodded, black hair flopping up and down, "Yup."

"So we have a night off?"

"Yes."

"Know any bars around here? We should go to a bar."

"Yeah, but wouldn't you rather go with your secret boyfriend?"

My heart beat faster, each time it threatened to burst out of my chest, "No. I _want_ to get fucked up. I _want_ to forget I ever loved a prick like Jack Barakat... You in?"

"Fuck yeah," Will said, "I'm not even gonna ask. Let's go." He slung an arm around my shoulder and we left.   
  
  


—-  
  
  


"One more!" I pushed another shot in Will's face, "Last one, I promise!"

"You said that three shots ago," he slurred, "C'mon we should go."

"I'm not fuckin' goin' back to that bus. Nope, no way in hell. Fuck. That."

"Then let's get a hotel or some shit." Will helped me out of the bar and down the street to a shitty little motel. I'd drank a hell of a lot more than he did. That was okay, given he didn't want or need to rid himself of memories of an _ex_ -boyfriend.

That stung.

"Room 25, 26, here 27," Will said pulling me into the room. The room smelled like cigarettes and sweat. There was one bed, "Shit there was supposed to be two beds."

I shrugged, "Doesn't matter. I was gonna do this anyways." I pushed Will onto the bed and climbed on top of him. I leaned my head down and connected our lips for a sloppy drunken kiss.

He eagerly responded by moving his hands along my body, but not in the way Jack used to. Jack was always tender about it. Nothing Will did said tender or loving. I didn't hold it against him though. We were both trashed.

Drunken sex was never my favorite thing, in the morning you regretted it and I knew that, but it did get my mind of one particular asshole so I was content. At least for now.

What the fuck else was I supposed to do with my life?


	20. Fuck the World

**_Alex POV:_ **

Head. Throbbing. Pain. Ow.

I opened my eyes expecting to see the tour bus around me but I was sorely mistaken. There was, however, a sleeping boy next to me with black and blue/green hair. Then it all hit me.

Jack and I broke up.

I got smashed and slept with Will last night.

I groaned and turned away from Will's unconscious body. _Fuck_ this hotel room. _Fuck_ booze. _Fuck_ this boy next to me. (oh wait I already did) _Fuck_ the lead guitarist. _Fuck_ my life. _Fuck_ the world. What was I gonna do now? Will was probably going to think we were together, shit, maybe we were. Would it be so bad if we were? Jack would not be happy with this, but he made me leave so he doesn't have the right to be mad at me.

I cringe slightly as I felt an unfamiliar pair of arms wrap around me.

"Morning," Will breathed against my neck.

I shivered, "Um, morning."

He sat up quickly, pulling away from me, "Oh god, you regret it. I'm sorry. I should never have..."

I turned to look at him, "I-I don't... I'm just confused."

"I can tell you what happened if you want..." I nodded so he went on, "Well, you and Jack had a fight. And you were crying and we went out to a bar. You drank a _lot_ and I got this hotel and when we get here we, um, had sex."

"Oh..." So what I remembered was actually what happened. That's a first.

"Look, we can just act like it didn't happen," Will said, "I know you probably still have feelings for Jack."

I made a pained expression, "Yeah. Yeah I do, but really I can't with him right now. He's pushed and pushed and no matter how much I love him, I can't just go back."

"Yeah," Will nodded. I knew he was going to ask it, and he had the right to but I just wasn't prepared, "And... us?"

"I, uh, I don't know," I said, it was the truth. I wanted to have Jack but he didn't want me and I couldn't stop thinking about him and, maybe if I gave Will a chance it would keep my mind off Jack. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm ten minutes into being apart from Jack and I already feel like my chest is going to burst from the pain and splatter all over the hotel room. "Maybe, we could try?"

"I don't want to force you into anything..."

"You're not," I said, "Let's do it."

"Okay," he smiled, "We better get back to the bus though. They'll leave without us."

I made a face, "I need alcohol if I'm gonna be on a bus with him for any period of time."

"That we can do," Will pulled me up and we put our clothes back on. There was a near by liquor store where we got some drinks to numb me again. He called a cab and soon enough we were back in front of the damn tour bus.

I went to my bunk and collapsed I looked over to the bunk that was right across from mine. I don't know what I expected to see. And I don't know why I did it. I knew it would only hurt us both more... but I did it anyway. Because I guess I'm selfish.

Jack was there staring at me as Will climbed in next to me, his eyes shone with pain for a moment then he closed them and laid his back to meet the pillow.

"Try to rest babe, you've got a show tonight," Will said wrapping an arm around me. My eyes stayed on Jack, who flinched slightly. I sighed and closed the curtain to my bunk.

After a few more sips of the bottle Will and I were sharing, I tried to close my eyes and let sleep come over me. I couldn't even to try and sleep knowing I was the cause of Jack softly sobbing in his bunk across from me.

 

**_Jack POV:_ **

"This!" Alex yelled into the microphone, "Is Will Carter! And he is my new boyfriend!" Alex brought his lips to Will's right in front of me, in front of everybody. He stared at me after words. I kinda just stood there plucking at my guitar. It wasn't my place to get mad at him, even if it was eating at my heart.

"What's wrong, Barakat?"

I shrugged. I wasn't going to let him get to me.

"You have something you wanna say? No? Of course not." Alex frowned at me. I didn't say anything back. He was drinking before the the show. I saw him do it. I didn't listen to anything he said because I knew drunk Alex was stupid Alex and he didn't mean anything he was saying.

Alex had been drinking a lot since we ended. It seemed like that's all he and Will did. I knew it was my fault. I should've just fucking told people about us. Alex wouldn't be with that stupid prick. He'd be with me and we'd be happy. I couldn't believe I'd fucked up this bad.

Alex strummed at his guitar as Will left the stage. He made my heart ache. Everything about him said he was in pain. I fucking caused that. I did that to the person I loved most in the world.

He moved up to the microphone again and looked at me, "This next one is called Coffee Shop Soundtrack. It goes out to you, Jack. Cheer up a bit, alright?"

I played the song as the rest of my band did, only, I lost myself while I was playing. No matter what I wouldn't let anything affect me on stage while I was doing the thing I loved. Playing guitar was literally the only thing that made sense to me. It was the only thing I could do that made it hurt less.

The show ended after many more jabs from Alex. My mind went back to him and my chest hurt worse than before. I went back to the bus. Alex and Will disappeared. That was the now normal routine. It was hard for me to be alone, but I brought it on myself so I didn't have the right to complain.

I was the stupid one to fuck it up. Now I was living with the consequences. I just wish Alex didn't have to. He deserves better than that.


	21. I'm Just a Moment

**_Alex POV:_ **

Jack looked at me as he played on the stage. Unbreakable eye contact. When I sang it was to him...

" _You're a classic case of foolish, young and in love,_

_But you don't even know what love could do to us,_

_We are brash and reckless made of glass and careless,_

_Break apart the moments, we both feel too much,_

_When it hurts, it hurts,_

_Wonder if it's worth it,_

_When it works, it works,_

_And when it's broke, it's perfect..._ "

He was the one to look away.

I was an asshole to him on stage. I knew I was but I couldn't help it. He'd hurt me so bad. It didn't have to be like this. It didn't. I don't know. I still don't know.

When the show ended Will pulled me away from my band and gave me some more alcohol. I didn't mind. It made me forget for a while. We were walking around for quite a while and we stopped in front of a sign that read _Hair Salon_.

"What're we doing here?" I asked Will, who was giggling uncontrollably.

"We're getting our hair dyed. The front of mine is gonna be pink. You should get yours a weird color too."

"I don't know..." I said taking the last drink from the bottle, "What color would I do?"

Will shrugged playfully, pulling me into the place. A woman walked up to us, "Can I help you?"

"Um, yeah, my boyfriend and I want to have our hair dyed-"

"Boyfriend?" The woman looked at us in a disgusted way, "We don't serve homosexuals here. This is a family owned establishment and we don't agree with your lifestyle."

"Are you kidding me? This is a hair salon." Will said as people began to stare at is. I cringed away and kept my head down.

"Well it's family owned and we don't mess with faggot hair," she said in a snotty way.

Mine and Will's mouths dropped open. Was this lady fucking serious?

Will got snappy back, "Well is there a place that isn't close-minded and ignorant that will serve everyone no matter what sexuality one is?"

She scrunched up her face, "I don't know and I don't care to know. You should leave now."

"I wouldn't want mine or my boyfriend's hair touched by you. We might catch your ignorance," Will grabbed my hand and we walked out of the door. My self esteem took a shot and I really just wanted to go back to the bus and sleep, but Will pressed on.

"Don't worry, babe. We'll find a place that accepts everyone for who they are." Will wrapped an arm around me and I nodded slowly. The next place we went to was a few blocks over. The door opened with a ding. The place was bright and open, unlike the previous salon.

"Hi! Welcome welcome! What can I do for you today?" A nicer looking woman said to us.

Will spoke, "My, um, well, we want to have our hair dyed. I want pink where the green is and he hasn't decided."

"That's quite alright, plenty of time to decide. Are you going to want it bleached?"

Will nodded and the woman looked at me expectantly. I quickly nodded, even though I wasn't really sure.

"Lovely! Just follow me boys. Who'd like to go first?"

Will volunteered. The lady bleached the green part of his hair and put pink dye in it. When it was finished she rinsed it out and dried his hair. It fluffed up black and bright pink in the front.

I smiled, it looked good on him. I'd had pink hair once, a while ago. Jack helped me dye it...

"You're turn," the woman said kindly. I shakily sat down in the chair. She pulled out her supplies and started bleaching my hair. "Have you figured out what color you want yet?"

"I don't know..." I said as more of a question. I thought popped in my head.

I couldn't... but I should. Why not? I told my decision to the dresser.

"That we can do," the woman smiled, "Definitely."

After the bleaching she dyed my hair the color I'd chosen. Will smiled at me and we we decided to go back to the bus to show everyone.

Wouldn't this be a kicker?

 

**_Jack POV:_ **

After the show Rian and Zack had managed to pull me out of my bunk and into the kitchen/front lounge to hang out with them. We talked about nothing in particular really. It was actually really awesome hanging out with them. It got my mind off of all the Alex stuff.

I kinda wanted to tell them about everything. I wanted to have someone to talk to about it. I decided, after much internal debate, I wouldn't. I knew I shouldn't and I really didn't have the right to now. I didn't say anything, but it wasn't like they didn't ask...

"So what's been up with you and Alex lately man? Like really? You've been so up and down. It's worrying us," Rian said, expressing his and Zack's concern.

I sighed and shrugged, the pain starting to wiggle it's way into my chest again.

Zack rolled his eyes, "Come on, man. We know it's not nothing."

I frowned, "It really is. We just, have been fighting I guess." Not a total lie...

"You guess?" Rian raised an eyebrow.

"What've you been fighting about?" Zack questioned next.

I shrugged, "I don't know stupid stuff. Look guys it's really not important. We'll make up and get over it sooner or later. Just let it run it's course. Like always." They nodded reluctantly.

"Seriously though, you know you can tell us anything," Rian said, "We're not gonna judge you."

"No way man," Zack said.

"Of course. I know," I said quietly, then perked up and changed the subject, "Who wants to play Call of Duty?"

Zack and Rian cheered and raised their hands. We stood up as the door to the bus popped open. Will came in first. His hair was freshly dyed pink. I looked away before Alex came in. I didn't want to make it awkward.

"Oh my god..." Rian muttered as I heard Alex clamber onto the tour bus.

"What did you do?" Zack asked him. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up.

Alex's once perfect dark brown head was now a bright blue.

My favorite color.


	22. Choke on the Drama

**_Alex POV:_ **

"I just dyed my hair," I said smiling brightly after everyone questioned me, I was not completely sober, "I needed a change. Like it?"

Zack and Rian nodded silently.

I looked to Jack, "It's your favorite color, Jack. Do you like it?"

He looked at me in a way I couldn't put together, my mind was foggy, "Why would you do that to your head? It looks like a smurf jizzed on your head."

I frowned instantly before I could stop myself, "You don't like it." Tears threatened to fill my eyes. I shouldn't be letting him get to me like this. Why did I let him get to me like this??

Jack stared at me and turned to the back lounge, "Call of Duty anyone?"

I looked at him in disbelief, "Alright. Be a dick then. Screw you, Jack!" I pushed passed him on the way to my bunk, where I found a bottle of something. I was too sober for this shit.

"Yeah and you just go back to drinking," Jack said while getting into his bunk.

I glared at him and shut the curtain. Fuck him. _Fuck him_. I wouldn't be drinking so much if it wasn't for him. If he'd have just told the world we were together none of this would be happening.

I fingered through my hair and took a swing from the bottle. The blue wasn't ugly. It hurt so bad when Jack insulted me. It was just a petty jab. But why did it hurt me so much?

"Alex?" I wanted to badly for it to be him, so he could tell me he loves me and that my hair was good, but it was Will, "Babe, are you alright?"

"Leave me alone, Will," I muttered into my pillow.

"I'm sorry. I think your hair looks really-"

"Can you please just fuck off?" I muttered louder, feeling more and more frustrated. He wasn't the one who needed to apologize. "Get back on the equipment bus and get out of my ass for once."

"You're such a dick Alex," Will muttered as he walked away. I screamed into my pillow a little and continued to drink the ever present alcohol in my hand, knowing Jack was right there and he heard that fight too.

I bet he was laughing. I bet he was happy Will and I were arguing. He's such a fucking prick... but why did I still ache for him?

 

**_Jack POV:_ **

I heard that fight and I can't say I was upset about it. I hated Will. I hated him since the beginning. He didn't deserve Alex. Neither did I but I was better than him. I wanted them to break up so I could try to get Alex back. Sorry, not sorry.

I loved him.

The next day we pulled into the venue a little before noon. I woke up and Alex was gone. I looked around and so was Will. They ran off together all the time but I thought that since they had a fight he wouldn't. I was, apparently, wrong.

Fuck my life. Of course the fight wouldn't fucking matter.

They showed up and Alex played the show. He didn't make any jabs at me, he didn't even look at me. After that they disappeared together again.

I was back stage watching a movie a few hours after we went off stage when they finally made an appearance. I kept my eyes strictly on the screen as they made a loud entrance and sat on the same couch where I was chilling. I could see out of the corner of my eyes that Alex sat and Will got on top of him. So they were back to normal. Great.

My eyes stayed glued to the tv because I knew if I looked at them I'd start hurting again. That was the last thing I wanted or needed.

I heard Will whisper something into Alex's ear and it send them both into laughter. I couldn't hear what they said but I knew it was about me. How could it not be?

More whispers and more laughter. My sadness and pain slowly, with every word, turned to something different. Anger. I felt it and I knew it would happen sooner or later. I hated Will and I hated that he had Alex and I didn't.

I squeezed my fist around the remote, hearing the weak plastic crack in my hand, which made Will whisper something else to Alex, making him explode into laughter.

" _Can you just fucking stop?"_ I asked through clenched teeth.

Will turned to me, "I'm sorry, what was that, Jack?"

" _Stop_. Just fucking _stop_. I know what you're doing and it's not funny anymore. It never was," I said, again keeping my jaw locked, "Why did you fucking do it anyways?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Will said as Alex drank and drank.

I stood up, "Yes, you do. You know exactly what I'm fucking talking about." Before I knew what I was doing I yanked him up off Alex and punched him in the face. He looked at me horrified as his nose started to bleed.

"You knew Alex and I had something, yet you fucking kissed him-"

Will stared at Alex, "You told him!?" Alex shrugged and took another fucking drink.

I went on, "You told him bullshit about me and now he hates me. It's all your fault! It's all your fucking fault this is happening!"

"It's _your_ fault!" Alex yelled angrily, standing up, " _You_ wouldn't tell people about us Jack! That's not my fault or Will's! _It's your fault this happened!_ So stop blaming other people! That's not even the only fucking reason why it's over! I _love_ you. But _you_ told _me_ to leave. I WOULD'VE SNUCK AROUND WITH YOU UNTIL I DIED BUT YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO LEAVE! SO I DID! I TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T BE BACK AND YOU LET ME GO!"

I dropped Will to the ground and stepped away from him. He tried to talk, "Alex..."

"STOP!" He yelled at Will, "Stop kissing up to me! I'm sorry, Will, I never loved you and I never will!"

Will's face fell, tears started to fall. He scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room. For the first time I thought about feeling sorry for Will... I _thought_ about it. The last time I felt sorry for one of Alex's ex's I got fucked over so I just kept my attention on him.

"And don't you go thinking this changes anything because it doesn't! We're done Jack! And that's _it!"_


	23. I Fucked This Up Again

**_Jack POV:_ **

Alex was breathing so rapidly and I could tell he was kinda freaking out. Maybe more than a little. I was sad, so fucking sad at what he said but he was freaking the fuck out so I was more worried than anything.

"I-I-I-I'm so sorry Jack, I can't, I just. I can't breathe. I-I'm, fuck fuck fuck," Alex stuttered out. He kept saying fuck over and over again.

I stepped closer to him and touched his arm, "Alex, are you alright?"

I knew he wasn't. He shook his head and didn't speak because he was busy trying to breathe. I frowned and took him into my arms. I pressed our bodies together tightly. He didn't protest because he couldn't.

"Alex," I whispered softly into his ear, "Alex, babe, calm down. Take a deep breath. I'm here, baby, I'm here. It's gonna be alright. Everything will be fine."

I wasn't sure why I started calling him those pet names, but it felt right so I went with it. He buried his head in my neck and kept breathing heavily. I could feel his chest rise and fall rapidly against my own.

"Shh," I cooed as he let out several choked sobs, "It's okay. It's going to be alright."

I kept whispering soothing things into his neck and he slowly began to calm down. His heart beat soon matched my own, which wasn't slow but, it was better than what his was.

"I-I'm tired," Alex whispered, inhaling the air from my shirt.

"Let's go back to the bus," I said. Alex nodded but he was shaking really bad and he could barely walk. I picked him up like a child and carried him.

It was kinda awkward trying to get through the thin door. I had to awkwardly turn and I'm pretty sure I hit Alex's feet on the side of the bus but he was asleep. I would be too if I had a panic attack like that.

I took him through the seemingly empty bus and to his bunk. Placing him down on a pillow quickly and taking of his shoes, I looked over him.

Gosh he was a wreck. Hair was messy, clothes wrinkled, stubble growing on his cheeks. This man was usually more well groomed. Either way I still thought he was the most attractive man to ever exist.

I found a blanket next to Alex on his bed and place it over him. I softly brushed a piece of his blue hair back from his eyes. The blue didn't look bad at all. I just said those mean things to make him mad.

"Alex," I whispered to him, "I'm kinda betting on the fact that you're sleeping right now, but even if you aren't you should know this stuff. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to us. I know it was me and it tears me apart every single night I'm not in your arms.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts Alex. I know I hurt you. I know I did and I regret it so much. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you ever. The fact that I was the one to put you into this state makes me so angry at myself. You're hurting and the only way to make you feel better is to drink until you can't remember.

"I'm so sorry. I will make it up to you. I promise I will. I had a reason not to tell people about us, believe it or not. It made sense at the time but honestly now it's the dumbest thing I've ever thought.

"When I was in relationships in the past and we told people about it, it always ended horribly. I just didn't want that to be me and you Alex. I wanted us to grow old together and raise some kids maybe. I still want that. I'll tell whoever it takes Alex. I don't care anymore. All I care about is you." I caressed his cheek with my finger tips.

I leaned down close to him and whispered softly in his ear, "I'm only here for you, baby. You're the only thing that matters... I love you."

I closed my eyes and hesitated before I brushed my lips against his for the slightest moment.

I retreated quickly, closing the curtain to his bunk. I turned towards the back lounge, attempts to find my laptop, I think I left it there, and in the doorway stood Rian Dawson...

"Did you just kiss him?"

"I, uh, I don't-" I stuttered. What the fuck was I supposed to say? What if I told Rian and Alex got mad at me for it?

"Shut up Jack," Rian said, "I know you did. Come on. What's really been going on?"

"It's a long story, Ri..."

"Since when do we not have time?" Rian asked pointing towards the back room, "Zack's not here, but you could tell him too, you know."

I nodded following him into the back room, "Yeah I know."

He sat down on one of the couches, I sat next to him.

"Alright, shit head, spit it out," Rian pressed.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "W-Well, Alex and I had, we were, fuck. He was my boyfriend."

"Was?" There was no judgment in Rian's eyes. It was almost as if he expected it, like this was just something obvious.

"Yeah, but I fucked it up. I fucked up so bad. I wouldn't tell people and then when he questioned me I told him to go away. It wasn't the first time we fought about it... I don't know man. He said if he left me then he wouldn't come back and be with me ever again. And I didn't fucking stop him."

Tears filled my eyes as I told Rian what happened, "I don't know why I didn't tell him to stay. I'm the worst person in the world. I fucking hate myself for it. And then he got with Will and started drinking all the time.

"You know he dyed his hair to get my attention and I fucking told him he looked like a smurf jizzed on him. What kind of a person am I? I'm a fucking ass hole. God I fucked up so bad, Ri, and I don't know how to fix it. I love him, I love him so fucking much. I just want him back...

"Tonight, literally less than an hour ago, I punched Will and then Alex yelled at us and broke up with Will. Then he had a panic attack or anxiety attack I don't know. He was freaking out. And I just hugged him and told him it'd be okay and I brought him back here."

Rian stared at me for a moment, probably letting what I said sink in. He took a deep breath, "Holy shit. That's a lot. How'd you manage to even keep it secret?"

I shrugged, "I was a dick about it."

"Well, I mean, you haven't done anything completely unforgivable, Jack. I'm sure he wants nothing more than to have you back-"

"He told me that just because he broke up with Will doesn't mean anything changed between us," I said.

"Saying and feeling are two different things. You know you guys are always fucked up when you're separated. Even when we were younger. One of you was absent from school and the other one was completely lost. He loves you Jack. I can see it. Anyone with eyes can see it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I think if you're patient and you try to make it up to him and show him you do care, it'll work out. You have to stick with him. It'll work out. I promise."

I jumped forward and put my arms around him, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou. You should be a couple counselor."

"If only I wasn't a rock star, right?" Rian chuckled as I backed away, "You could have told me this stuff you know. Zack and I accept you guys no matter what."

I gave him a sad smile, "I wish I would've realized that sooner."

Rian shrugged, "Nothing you can do about it now. Just go make it right."

"I will." At that, I smiled for real.


	24. Experts Say I'm Delirious

**_Alex POV:_ **

It hurt so bad saying those things. So fucking bad. I didn't want to hurt either of them. Will was a nice person and Jack was the love of my life.

When I told Will I would never love him the hope in Jack's eyes almost stopped me from going on, but I had to. I told Jack it wouldn't change us when Will ran away. (I later learned he quit after that and went home, which made me feel even worse.)

I started freaking out and Jack just held me and told me it was okay. He called me baby, but I didn't care because I couldn't function or breathe. He carried me back the to the bus. I fell asleep before we reached the door.  
  


—-

 

I'd been up for at least on hour, just staring that the ceiling of my bunk. I wasn't worried or anxious or panicky. A weird calm had been radiating through my body. For once I wasn't hurting. I wasn't upset or mad at the world. I just wanted to enjoy the peace because I knew I'd only have it for moments.

"Alex, are you feeling okay?" Exactly.

I looked over, even though I recognized the voice, "I'm okay."

Jack bit his lip, "Do you want anything? Water? Some food?"

I shook my head and looked back at the ceiling, "No. I'm alright."

That was the first time in weeks I talked to Jack without my chest hurting.

Even though I told him no he brought me water. He said I needed it. I didn't need anything right now. I was completely fine.

Staring at the ceiling was really calming. I laid there and thought about nothing. It was nice for a change. I had been really quiet lately, but my mind still raced with worries. It was so relieving to just turn it off for a few hours.  To relax and just be calm.

I think I kinda deserved it after what had happened the night before.  
  


**_Jack POV:_ **

I knew Alex would be hurting, but he didn't look hurt. He sat there, staring up, but I had a feeling he wasn't really looking at anything. What had I done? Had I finally broke him? Broke they one person I ever really loved? I wanted to tear my hair out of my head because it was all my fault.

I brought Alex food and drink and most of the time when I came back it was gone. The next show wasn't for a couple of days and it took quite a while to get there so we were going to be on the bus a lot.

I sat on my bunk looking at Alex staring at the ceiling. I really couldn't sit there and do nothing. I needed the smiley boy I once knew back. The one who would tell me he loved me whenever he got the chance.

I hopped off my bunk and went over to his. I peaked my head in the curtain, "Hey Alex, I need to tell you something."

I looked over at me, no smile, no frown. Nothing. "Okay."

"I, um, I told Rian about us."

"What about us?" His eyes kinda did a thing but it went away quickly.

"I told him we used to be together..."

"Why would you tell him that?"

"Well, he um, saw me carrying you into the bus and he asked what was up."

"Jack, you could've just told him I was drunk. That isn't even a lie."

I bit my lip and decided to tell the truth, "Actually he didn't see me carry you in."

"So why did he ask?"

"I, um, might've done something he thought was odd."

Alex actually frowned. I didn't want him to be upset with me, but if he was breaking from his apathetic attitude then I was happy. "What did you do?"

"I said some stuff..."

"That's it?"

I pursed my lips, "Um... no..."

"Jesus, Jack, what did you do to me? Is there a fucking dick drawn on my face or something?"

"No," I said weakly.

"So what was it?"

"I might've, I kinda... I was talking to you and I tucked you in and told you it would be alright. And then I kinda maybe kissed you," I managed to say.

Alex snapped right out of the 'nothing matters' look he had, "You what?"

"I kissed you."  
  


**_Alex POV:_ **

Everything came into focus. Everything made sense.

I was calm because I wasn't worried about us. I knew it would be okay because that's what he told me. He kissed me and nothing mattered anymore. The calm that was over me was still present but I felt a pang of something in my chest. It hurt but like in a good way.

"Why'd you do that?"

Jack shrugged and looked down, "It felt right."

I was speechless. He told Rian about us after he kissed me in front of him. He wouldn't do that when we were together. Why now?

"You told Rian after that?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I was scared you were going to be mad at me but, I told him."

"Why would I be mad? It's not like I ever wanted to keep it a secret."

"True," he said softly avoiding my eyes, "I'm really sorry about everything."

I paused, looking at his face. He was perfect. His brown eyes were down and he looked sad. Judging by how silent I was he probably thought I didn't forgive him. He kinda stepped back when I didn't say anything but, I grabbed his hand, "I forgive you," I said just as softly he did.

He looked up at me, a smile hinting in his eyes and around his lips, "Really?"

I nodded grinning a little.

"Wanna watch a movie with me?"

For the first time in almost a month I smiled for real, "As long as it's Home Alone."

"Of course," Jack said holding out a hand to help me get down. I took it and hopped down off my bed. We went into the back lounge where Rian and Zack were sitting one on each couch. I sat down on the one with the best view of the TV and Jack sat next to me, like right next to me. He smiled at me as he turned on Home Alone.

Rian eyed us in a curious way and Zack was too busy staring at his phone. He probably didn't even know we were a couple before. Jack was cautious about sitting next to me.

I don't think he was doing it for the same reason as before. I'm pretty sure he didn't want to do something to make me uncomfortable.

Rian looked over at me a few times, I would smile at him and turn back to the movie. He knew but, I didn't know how he took it. He didn't seem disgusted beyond reason like Jack had originally assumed he would.

I was happy. Even before Jack reached out and grabbed my hand.


	25. Put an End to All This Madness

**_Alex POV:_ **

In the next few days we were kinda stiff towards each other. He didn't want to do anything to make me uncomfortable because I'd told him that me breaking up with Will didn't mean anything for us.

At the time I thought that maybe it was true, that I was really done with him, and that's what sent me off the edge. He helped me through it. I don't know what in the world I would've done if he wasn't there.

It made me kinda realize that no matter how much I was mad at him, I needed and loved him just the same. I forgave him when he apologized because he looked really genuine. The truth was, I'd already forgiven him.

I didn't like that we were stiff but it couldn't just go back to normal. I mean, we weren't even together... yet...

I was going to take him back, if that's what he wanted. We loved each other so why keep hurting ourselves?

I didn't want to be the one to make the move but I was afraid I was going to have to be. Maybe if I just made him feel like we were okay then he'd do it.

I tried my best to smile at him a lot, like I would've before. After a while I didn't have to try, I was just smiling because he was really cute. I laughed at all his jokes and made ones in return.

Soon enough it was just normal again. The awkward tension slowly went away. Although he hadn't made any moves romantically, that didn't mean they weren't going to happen. As much as I loved being friends with Jack, I really wanted to kiss him and cuddle him.

Sometimes at night I'd get so lonely and I would just stare over at Jack, but not in a creepy way. I dared myself so many times to walk over and slip into his bunk with him but I couldn't get up enough courage. That is, until Zack caught me staring one night.

"You love him don't you?" Zack said softly.

I shot him a closed mouth smile and nodded, "Yeah, I do."

"So what are you waiting for then?"

"Him." I shrugged, "Did anyone tell you we dated a month or two back?"

Zack blushed a little and nodded, "Ri told me. What happened?"

"Just a bunch of stupid," I muttered, looking back at Jack. I felt a pang in my chest that I knew only he could fix.

"He loves you too," Zack said turning over in his bunk, which was under Jack's, "Night Alex."

"Night," I muttered as he softly began to snore. I sighed. I knew I was either going to really be glad I did what I was about to do next, or I was going to regret it. I crawled out of my bunk and went over to Jack's.

I moved a bit of hair from his face and caressed his cheek a little. I moved my fingers over his lips lightly, making his face scrunch up for a moment. I almost flipped my shit because it was so cute. I smiled down at him and climbed into his bunk with him, closing the curtain after me.

Jack wrapped his arms around me instantly, even in his sleep. His breathing stops being so even and deep, which tells me he was awake. His arms tightened around me, I nuzzled my head into his chest.

"I have to tell you something," he whispered into my hair.

I tilted my head up and looked at him, "Go ahead." I was calm even though I was scared to death of what he was about to say.

"I actually really like your hair a lot."

I smiled and blushed uncontrollably, "Thank you."

"Also," he put his forehead on mine, "I love you." Our lips were so close. I wanted to close the gap but I didn't. I wanted him to do it, and he didn't fail me. He closed his eyes and I did the same. I could feel his breath on my skin. Then I felt his lips brush against mine.

It was such a feathery little kiss. He was so unsure of himself. I smiled when he pulled away. I missed kissing him so much.

"I'm sorry," Jack mumbled.

My eyes shot open, "For what?"

"You said that just because you broke up with Will doesn't mean I get another chance..." he said quietly, looking down.

I touched my hand to his stubbly cheek and made him look at me, "I love you, too. I've been trying to get you to make a move for days, Jack. Of course I love you."

A smile played across his lips, "Really?"

I nodded, "Really. I've been waiting for you to do that."

"What?" he asked, smirking, "This?" He leaned in and connected our lips again. I smiled into the kiss.

"Yes, that," I mumbled against his lips.

He smiled, "So are we like? Together again?"

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Jack Barakat?" I teased.

"Maybe," he replied kissing me again, "I really like kissing you a lot."

"I like to kiss you too," I said pecking him on the lips, "I'll be your boyfriend again."

"We can tell whoever you want, whenever you want, as long as you never leave me again," He said looking into my eyes. I knew he was serious.

"I won't ever leave you, baby," I said softly touching my mouth to his.

"Good," he whispered, leaning his head down on the pillow, his eyes glimmered in the darkness, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember on the last tour, the night before we almost kissed?"

I frowned slightly. I didn't really remember...

"It was quiet, really quiet. You couldn't sleep and I couldn't either. I don't think you knew I was awake."

I sucked in some air. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"You asked if anyone was awake, and then you called out to me. I don't know why I didn't reply. I was going to. And you said you loved me, Alex."

I looked at him dead in the eyes, my heart was pounding.

"I'm pretty sure you fell asleep after that," smiling, he nuzzled his head into my neck and place a kiss there lightly. He closed his eyes, "It took me a minute, but I said it back."


	26. Epilogue: Credits Are Rolling

**_Jack POV:_ **

Being nervous isn't fun. I've felt it many times in my life to recognize it when I feel it. Obviously Alex can sense it too, because he grabbed my hand. We were off the side of the stage, waiting. It was almost time for our set. The last one of the tour.

Alex squeezed my hand, "You ready?"

I nodded and pressed my lips to his for the last time in secret. We walked onto the stage followed by Zack and Rian. We played the first few songs and when we stopped for a break I knew it was my chance.

I walked over to Alex and spoke in his microphone, "I want you all to do me a favor." The crowd screamed and I smiled and went on, "Get out your cameras right now and film what I'm about to say and when I get done, post it everywhere."

I waited for the fans to pull out their phones. They were silent. I spoke clearly into the mic, my heart was beating out of my chest, "Hello everyone. I am Jack Barakat and this is Alex Gaskarth, in case you didn't already know. We are in the band All Time Low with Rian Dawson and Zack Merrick and they are my best friends in the world.

"Except Alex. He was my best friend for the longest time. We did everything together. Recently I've come to realize something..." I paused and looked over to our lead singer, "I'm in love with him."

The crowd gasped but stayed silent, allowing me to continue, "And as surprising as it sounds he loves me back. I honestly have no idea what in the world I'd do without him. I'm so lucky. I want the world to know...

"I am Jack Barakat. The love of my life is Alex Gaskarth... And I'm shameless."


End file.
